The Perk of Being a Young Mommy

Assalammualaikum and greetings people!!!!!

Wow, haven't remembered the last time I post on a blog. I can't even remembered when. How life gets so busy these days. (what i mean is months..hihi) I wanted to start blogging again cause I am so over pregnancy. Haha and Alhamdulillah, I've got a son age two months old now and he's so charming that he could be Prince Charming to anonymous girl, lulz. What a mommy. 

The Perks of Being a Young Mommy. Yes, haha well, I dont even know where to start, everything goes so fast and I can't even believe it myself that I'm building a mini family here. I have a husband and a son, two of my heroes in my life, (no worry dad, you'll always be my number 1!) Lot of my friends have been asking me 'How does it feel to be a mom & finally have a baby?" "Are you happy, being married this early?" "Does it hurt? Giving birth?" <<<< This question is the most asked question. Hahaha-- Well, here goes my answer, I'm so proud of myself that i'm willing to take a risk building a family at this very young age cause I don't even want to be hurt and left again by all those guys out there, and InsyaAllah Taufik is 'The One' Allah has descended to me. I'm so over having fun dating. And now that I have a baby, I couldn't be more happier than I am. Muhammad my baby, mommy loves you sayang! Some people may disagree with me being married this early since i'm only 20 now and still a student. How can I balance my study and my family? Well, if mom can, why can't I? Mom raised us five girls so well, and I'm going to do the same, it's just that I don't have five girls, I have only 1 son. Hihi. 

So, the second question, "Are you happy?" Puh-leaseeee, do I look unhappy? Haha I'm more than grateful. I'm marrying my bestfriend that I've known for almost 6 years, why won't I be happy? He knows me well more than other guys did. Because he's my bestfriend. Marrying him is the best thing ever happened. Never thought the guy I've known for the past 6 years in my life could turn out to be my husband and best friend forever!!!!*screaaaaaammmmmmm* Is this for true? Ikr. He may not be the prince charming I've been waiting for, (haha no offense sayang) but he got everything a women need, by meaning, I need. So, I am happy to be married to Muhammad Nur Taufik. 

So, the best part of the question is this, the 'giving birth thingy'. Hahaha what I could say is that, all of the scene about giving birth you saw in the drama and all, IS A LIE. Well, to me it is. It wasn't that hard. First, you gotta feel a little contraction which does hurt a lot but I don't scream at all. Drama lies, exaggerate everything. Lulz! 2 days of contraction and 10 hours of contraction in labour room. (this is the moment where you thought you're going to die and you start to apologizing to everyone, even to the nurses and doctors. haha) After 10 hours contraction hurt, it took only 15 minutes for Muhammad to come out. Right at 10:05pm, I heard him cry and it was the best thing and moment I've ever had. Alhamdulillah Allah has saved the both of us. I won't tell you the part after giving birth, cause I'll let you experience it yourself girls. Hihi so far, everything is turning out to be good for me, thank Allah for making it easy for us. 

And here I am now, back on the track! With a husband and son by my side, I'll start blogging and living my life all over again. This time, I wouldn't have to think about `eye-ing a guy and start dating or you're gonna end up being a spinster'. What a thought! :D

You know who I am. 

That 90s chick. 

SOME THINGS THAT I'VE LEARNED

 

 

Time will keep moving and we will keep living. Time changes everything in our life, as time goes by, lot of events will happened in our life. Some will make us feel happy, some will hurt us, and some event just mean nothing to us. But, thru times I've learned so many things in life just by living. Almost 20 years of living, these are what things that I've really learned;

 

• Try as hard as you can not to judge. Each person is the way they are because of some reason. You don't know what happened in their past that made them that way. Will you feel great if people judge you the way you judge them? You will be sad when you're judged cause nobody knows the reason behind what you are now. So, try not to judge even how bad they are.

 

• It is good to push yourself out of your comfort zone. It's easy to get comfortable with your daily routine, but this is the surest way to kill your spirit. Even if you don't feel like doing something, you never know what could happen if you do. So, stand up and get out of the fence you built around your spirit and just take the challenge to do something you never done before.

 

• Be kind. In the end, people will want to be around you if you make them feel good about themselves. Not only that, but it will make you feel good about yourself too. If you be little people, it won't make you feel any good about yourself. It will just ruin your mind and soul because all you do is let the negativity take control of you and pushing the positivity away. 

 

• Keep an open mind. You don't know everything and you're not always right. Take everything in. Try to accept what others are trying to say because sometimes their opinion might be great for your life too.

 

• Keep a journal. It doesn't matter if you're a girl or a guy, journal is a good thing. It's not a girly thing. In our life, there are still things that we can't talk about with other people even with our own best friend because it's just don't seem right to share it when the only person who understand it is just you. Write it in a journal cause you might feel like reading it again in future and just remembering it.

 

• The past and future aren't real. There is only NOW.

 

• Learn to be happy even if you are on your own. Lonely doesn't always have to mean sadness or grief. Be happy.

 

• Spend time outside every day. Go on walks or lay in the grass. It's easy to forget how important nature is, but I think it has a lot to do with happiness. Stop living in the technology for awhile and just go out, breathe the air.

 

• Take a good care of yourself because you only have one body. Don't torture your body. Don't do dieting just to look skinny and pretty because your body need energy too. Be satisfied with your body.

 

• Books are not boring. Reading good books will just make me feel happier and smarter.

 

• Just love. Don't be afraid to fall in love. It might hurt you several times, but love is just another 'try and error' process. I've fallen in love for so many times before and hurt at the same time. And now, I'm married to a man that never failed to make me fall in love again and again every day.

 

• Be curious and cautious at the same time. Everything is fascinating when you take a look at it close enough.

 

and the most important thing is...

 

• You are perfect. The only thing left to work on is realizing it.

Never forget to live,

 

hdyhmzln

IT WILL BE PAID OFF.

Let it go-

Let it go-

Can't hold it back anymore.

 

Let it go-

Let it go-

That perfect girl is gone.

Yes, I am not kindly attached to this song. "Let It Go" in Frozen movie. The words are somehow kinda connected to me.

 

Let just be honest, somehow in one time, each of us need to be someone else. Do you get me? It's like there are times and places where you can't just be yourself, and you need to put a mask on and act with the flow in that environment. Like when you're trying to make new friends, when you're meeting your boyfriend's family, when you're in a new places. It would be a lie if you say you didn't do that. Cause most of us did it. And it is kinda hard when you have to be somebody else when all you wanted to be is just yourself aite? No matter how hard you try, not everyone can accept you the way you are. There are always people who will judge you, shot a word bullet at you but all you have to do is just, "IGNORE". Don't take it personally. Think of them like some kind of motivation for you to fix yourself to be a better you or maybe they're just jealous because you are way better than them.

 

I, myself have a time where I have to put a mask on and start being an actress in my own life. Even by acting, I can't please everyone's heart. Nobody could. But I always keep this in my mind. "Its ok Nurul. Your patience now, will be paid off soon. Calm your heart." But still, not everyone can agree with my kind of motivation. You can always create something to make you feel better if you just have to act in any situation. Even though I am just 20, I've been through a lot in this 20 years of my life and I've learned. And now, I'm married and taking one step further ahead in a teenager's life and somehow it became more challenging than before. Not to mention, you have to deal with yourself, your family, your husband, your in laws. I'm not trying to say that I regret for getting married at this age, I am not. In fact, I am glad. Cause I got to learn to deal with life at a very young age so that happiness can be mine soon. At the very least, by the time I've become old, I am prepared to face anything in life. InsyaAllah.

 

Just keep your heart and strength together and pray that someday Allah will make everything better and I am 5000% sure that Allah will.

 

 

 

Fin.

 

Hey birthday girl, smile please

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. 

Finally, after waiting for too long, I'm officially 19 now. And guess what, it wasn't the birthday I've ever dreamed of. I cried almost every time when I'm alone this whole day. I'm missing my mom, I'm missing home, I'm missing my bestfriend, I'm missing my man. I'm sick. Mixed feeling, can't control my emotions. I can break down so easily whenever someone ask me "Why?". Just don't ask, not now. Not when I'm in a fragile moment. Every year, I'll celebrate my birthday with joy, laughter, love and people I care the most around me. But not now. Not today. Not this year. This is the bad birthday I've ever had. I don't even feel like celebrating it. 

I'm hallucinating of being at home right now. And just be happy in my room. Feeling satisfy, feeling like a princess. The more I write, the more tears fall down from my face. I've tried not to cry. But these tears just won't listen. It keeps on falling down. Like a waterfall that will never stop falling. What I need the most right now is not presents. I need a hug. A hug from mom to tell me that everything will be okay and she'll be here with me all along. I need it the most. I need my man to sit next to me and keep on repeating 'I Love You' so it can make my heart feels better. I need my sisters to be around me, so I can laugh at their attempt to make jokes and make me smile. I need my bestfriend to be here with me, to wipe my tears away whenever it falls. 

Ya Allah, for my birthday this year, I won't ask for more, all I want from you is to forgive all my sins and please please please give me the strength to move on for another month and this will all be over InsyaAllah. And please protect the people I care the most from Satan, pain, sins, and anything bad. Please give me strength. Cause I need it. 

Hey birthday girl, happy birthday. Smile. For the sake of yourself and people around you.

Mawar.

JUST STOP.

One incident can change one's whole life. Yes, it is. And in my case, one incident, changes my whole perception. These days, we (women), tend to feel like we're the vulnerable one, the one who keeps on hurting in any kind of matter, the one that will always be the losing player in a game, the one that will never be happy, the one that always am the victim. But here's what we're wrong about it. Men, they do have feelings too. They are. The only difference between us and them is that we tend to show our feelings and emotions, but they're using their ego to hide it. Whenever they feel sad, they hide their tears with ego. Man and their ego, can't be separated just like us, women can't be separated by emotions and feelings. 

I've seen my dad at his worst. 

I've seen my man at his worst. 

Tears running down from their eyes, their precious tears,

in front of me, and I died in that moment. 

I felt like I'm the chosen one. Why? Because I can actually look at them in the eyes when they're crying. And a hug was given by me, Trying to make everything better. But I just can't. The warm of the hug is not enough to solve everything. But it sure can comfort us in that moment. Men feel hurt. They can be so vulnerable at one time either. And it is not our right to judge them by saying, "All men are the same." Yes, "Men will always be men." But what if the men said the same thing to us? "All women are the same." Will we like it? To be compared to other girls? I don't. Absolutely not. Cause I have my own specialty. I'm different. That's how they felt about it too. So, enough with all the men hurt women thingy, men doesn't have feelings and whatsoever. 

Because it is so not true. I've seen two of my favorite man at their worst and I know how does it feels like to see a man got weak and get rid of their ego for just a moment. All of our tears are precious. Even if we're women or men, Both are the same. So, appreciate each other. That's what we should do from now on. 

Mawar. 

KAU PENCURI CAHAYA BULAN

P/S: Credits to #seratusmulut. Puisi yang aku buat untuk Seratus Mulut.

KAU PENCURI CAHAYA BULAN

Dulu aku lihat bulan itu terang,

Namun semakin kau menjauh,

Semakin malap cahayanya--

Mungkin kau pergi membawa cahaya itu bersama,

Kerana sewaktu kau melangkah pergi,

Aku hilang cahaya di kala malamku.

Namun,

Masih aku perhati bulan itu,

Tanpa aku mengerlipkan mataku,

Walau cahayanya semakin pudar.

Kerana bulan itu satu kepastian,

Kepastian buat aku untuk tahu kau masih lagi tersenyum melihat bulan yang sama,

Mungkin bukan aku yang berada di dalam ingatan kau saat itu,

Aku tak kisah---

Wahai sang bulan,

Pergilah kau, pergi bersama dia,

Berikan dia cahaya yang paling terang,

Cahaya yang dapat sentiasa menyinari senyuman manis itu,

Agar setiap kali aku lihat bulan,

Aku dapat lihat wajah dan senyum itu walau dia jauh dan bukan milik aku lagi.

Amatur,

Mawar

I CHOOSE TO LOVE

I guess, I just have to endure this feeling. Can't do anything about it anymore. It's between me and my heart. There's nothing else I can do. Nobody understands. Nobody really know about this person, which is me. Nobody knows. This feeling, I'll hide it with all the smile I have. I thought this is what we called sacrifice, but sooner or later,I feel like I'm a joke. Am I the only one who keep chasing when 'the other part of me' is not? Do I look that desperate cause I do feel like I'm a joke to everyone. Why can't I just stay away? Why can't I just forget? It's because I love. Yes, I love. I have thousand of reasons to be apart, but this love is stronger than any of that reasons. I stay cause I love. Don't tell me what to do. I'm maybe a joke, but this love is no joke. It's true. So, in the end, I endured this, and be a joke to everyone. Looking like a fool, just because I love. Is it wrong to love?

Enduring.

#HowIMetMyBestfriend

Another trend from Twitter that really reminds me of the memories. And this one really touches my heart. How I met my bestfriend? It's kinda ironic actually. The story begins when I first move to a new school. Before, at her eyes, I'm just a girl from KL ('kay ellll' poyo sikit enn) that come to Ipoh looking proud with myself cause I'm the 'princess-in-bracket' at that time. Lulz. For short, we started out our 'so-called-relationship' with becoming enemies. Haha. Kinda funny to recall back.We started out as enemies and somehow that hatred turned us into something special as bestfriend. Irony isn't it? Yeah ofc, before we became bff, we even said that we'll never ever ever ever be friends and now? Hehe. Thisis what I've learned in hating someone. When you hate someone, sooner or later, that person will be someone so close to you like she is to me now. We're not just friends, we're more like twins. I can't live without her and she can't live without me. We need each other and we complete each other. She's like a sister and tbh, she's my other half.  As long as she's with me, I don't need a man to cheer me up. I have her. We could be lesbiooonnnn. Lol~ Kidding. Don't take it so serious. Just a joke. Puh-leaseeeeee! I still have the feeling towards guys tho.I gotta a boyfriend, Aiman Adam, sorry baby, just a joke. Haha. Bestfriend is not just someone who will be by your side when you need them, give you the love you need or attention. Bestfriend is more like your other half. You'll stay together in any ways that happen. You won't leave each other and you don't even talk about each other at the back. Bestfriend is family. Yes it is. To me, she's my family. I love her as I love my family. It has been 1 year and 2 months since the accident and she's still the way she is. And I won't lose hope on her cause I know, she'll be okay. She'll remember, she'll be herself again. I always have that hope in me cause I love her. I want the best for her. Whatever I do now, I do it for her too. Cause she's a twin, and I'll never leave her behind. 

Dear Nur Zahirah, I won't lose hope on you, we'll go through this together twinnies. I love you always. Never will forget you. There's always hope and miracles. I'll keep praying for you. 

Love, a bestfriend, more like your other half.

2:32 IN THE MORNING.

Did you ever have this moment when you try to sleep at night but you just can’t get away from being over-thinking? And you started to cry and hoping that someone will be there, hugging you and say “Everything is going to be alright”. My night is always the same. When I try to get a sleep, I’ll start staring at the ceiling and started thinking. You won’t like it if I start to think. I hate it when I start to think. But my mind will always keep moving until I really fall asleep or fainted maybe.  And tonight, I can’t sleep again and I started to think and wall-dreaming for awhile. So, I decided to blog. It’s raining heavily here at my place tonight. So does my eyes. I’ve wet my little purple and Wanda. I’ve always hated and scared of late night heavy rain, with all the thunder and lightning. And tonight just make my night became worse. Yeah, worse.  I do hope for someone to actually lie next to me and hug me. “Go to sleep, everything will get better when you open your eyes the next morning. Don’t be afraid to close your eyes. I’ll give you the sweetest dream and delete the nightmare”. These simple words from that someone can just make me feel better. Tonight is the worse cause I blog. If it isn’t hurting me, I won’t blog at 2:32 a.m. in the morning, I never did.  I’m torturing myself every night thinking about someone that doesn’t even bother to think about me. It hurts. I’ve made through last night without crying and I'm gonna make through tonight either. But tears just won’t stop. Hear my thoughts through my tears and you’ll know how much it hurts. 

The  End.

HIS PAST MEETS ME.

The feeling of insecure. As a girl, I really can't get away from feeling insecure. Especially when the shit moment comes. The shit moment when your boyfriend's ex still wants him and try everything she could to get him back. I know I shouldn't feel insecure because people say that "If he really loves you, he won't fall back to his ex. There's a reason why she's call as his ex." Yeah, I think they're right. But I still have this feeling. Can't get it away from my life. My life's experience taught me so much. "Men are just men" Blair Waldorf said. They won't change. There's this one drama I watch where his wife said wen she found out that he is cheating on her that, "As a woman, we have to take care 9 lust with just 1 mind. And men, they just have to take care of 1 lust with 9 mind. But if a woman can stand 9 lust with 1 mind and still can protect their one and only love in their heart, why cant man with 9 mind and 1 lust?" I think she got the point. Well, obviously she was given a script by the director. But that phrase, I just cant forget. But this isn't a marriage, we're just 'In a relationship..' status. I hope I have future with him. I really do. But when his past just came back, I don't know what else to do. I'm just insecure. That's it. I can't fight. No matter how hard I fight, if he's gonna pick that girl, I'm gonna lose anyway. I'm tired. I really am. After one, to another one. Why must this happen? I know I have the right to be jealous about this. Well yeah, I am suppose to be. His ex is trying to beg him to come back and he was like, trying to confront her which he should not have to. He can just say no. Sometimes, I really want to ask him, is he really gets over of his ex? But I just can't. Don't have the guts too. I'm afraid that the question might be the end for us. I have to trust on him. I love him. So, I have to. Insecure and jealousy are really killing me right now. I still got so many wounds to mend, another wound just come and make my heart ache. Oh gosh. Relationship can be so tiring and hard. I am so weak, I can't fight anymore. So I hope he'll see what we have now and just move on. Frankly speaking, I want him to just stay away from his past. Cause everything seems so perfect to him back then before we met. I'd tackle everything for him all these while, these 3 months. I hope he sees that and try to understand that his attitude with his ex right now, really hurts me. It really is hurting me. But I'll just hide everything. Hide my tears, my sorrow, my sadness, for his happiness. And dear his ex, please let him move on. I'll take care of him for you. And for myself too. Just stay away. I don't want to pick a fight. Girls fighting over a guy is so not cool. So, let him go. I'll fetch him with my bare hands. I'll make him happy. Just let us go. Give us our happiness. You had him once. This time, he's mine. So, please. I'm tired. 

Love,

Nurul Hidayah.