IT WILL BE PAID OFF.

Let it go-

Let it go-

Can't hold it back anymore.

 

Let it go-

Let it go-

That perfect girl is gone.

Yes, I am not kindly attached to this song. "Let It Go" in Frozen movie. The words are somehow kinda connected to me.

 

Let just be honest, somehow in one time, each of us need to be someone else. Do you get me? It's like there are times and places where you can't just be yourself, and you need to put a mask on and act with the flow in that environment. Like when you're trying to make new friends, when you're meeting your boyfriend's family, when you're in a new places. It would be a lie if you say you didn't do that. Cause most of us did it. And it is kinda hard when you have to be somebody else when all you wanted to be is just yourself aite? No matter how hard you try, not everyone can accept you the way you are. There are always people who will judge you, shot a word bullet at you but all you have to do is just, "IGNORE". Don't take it personally. Think of them like some kind of motivation for you to fix yourself to be a better you or maybe they're just jealous because you are way better than them.

 

I, myself have a time where I have to put a mask on and start being an actress in my own life. Even by acting, I can't please everyone's heart. Nobody could. But I always keep this in my mind. "Its ok Nurul. Your patience now, will be paid off soon. Calm your heart." But still, not everyone can agree with my kind of motivation. You can always create something to make you feel better if you just have to act in any situation. Even though I am just 20, I've been through a lot in this 20 years of my life and I've learned. And now, I'm married and taking one step further ahead in a teenager's life and somehow it became more challenging than before. Not to mention, you have to deal with yourself, your family, your husband, your in laws. I'm not trying to say that I regret for getting married at this age, I am not. In fact, I am glad. Cause I got to learn to deal with life at a very young age so that happiness can be mine soon. At the very least, by the time I've become old, I am prepared to face anything in life. InsyaAllah.

 

Just keep your heart and strength together and pray that someday Allah will make everything better and I am 5000% sure that Allah will.

 

 

 

Fin.

 

Hey birthday girl, smile please

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. 

Finally, after waiting for too long, I'm officially 19 now. And guess what, it wasn't the birthday I've ever dreamed of. I cried almost every time when I'm alone this whole day. I'm missing my mom, I'm missing home, I'm missing my bestfriend, I'm missing my man. I'm sick. Mixed feeling, can't control my emotions. I can break down so easily whenever someone ask me "Why?". Just don't ask, not now. Not when I'm in a fragile moment. Every year, I'll celebrate my birthday with joy, laughter, love and people I care the most around me. But not now. Not today. Not this year. This is the bad birthday I've ever had. I don't even feel like celebrating it. 

I'm hallucinating of being at home right now. And just be happy in my room. Feeling satisfy, feeling like a princess. The more I write, the more tears fall down from my face. I've tried not to cry. But these tears just won't listen. It keeps on falling down. Like a waterfall that will never stop falling. What I need the most right now is not presents. I need a hug. A hug from mom to tell me that everything will be okay and she'll be here with me all along. I need it the most. I need my man to sit next to me and keep on repeating 'I Love You' so it can make my heart feels better. I need my sisters to be around me, so I can laugh at their attempt to make jokes and make me smile. I need my bestfriend to be here with me, to wipe my tears away whenever it falls. 

Ya Allah, for my birthday this year, I won't ask for more, all I want from you is to forgive all my sins and please please please give me the strength to move on for another month and this will all be over InsyaAllah. And please protect the people I care the most from Satan, pain, sins, and anything bad. Please give me strength. Cause I need it. 

Hey birthday girl, happy birthday. Smile. For the sake of yourself and people around you.

Mawar.

100 pemuisi #seratusmulut

Its a once in a lifetime opportunity. And I still cant make a decision. 
Should I join it? Or shouldn't I? 
I'm an amateur. I'm not a pro in literature. I write, but only on blogs. But I always wanted to write a book. And published my book. And this is like a step forward in achieving my dream. If my poem got selected and be one of the 100 people that they selected, it will be published in a book called 'Seratus Mulut'. Who wouldn't want it? But I don't think I'm good enough to enter this cause I don't know. I'm lack of confidence I guess. 
Should I or shouldn't I? Ugh, I hate making decision. But it's a chance that I will never know if I could get it again in the future. 

But then again, if there's anyone who's interested in this, do join it. And visit seratusmulut.tumblr.com for more inquiry :)
Let us all support the Malaysian writers!

P/S: Sorry for being lost from this blog about 3 months. Been busy with all the study thingy. 

A writer in the making, in dreams.

Why?

Why do you have to judge someone for his/her dark past? Is it necessary to do that? Do you think it is. Everyone has a dark past, nobody hasn't including you. Have you ever heard this, "Everyone deserves a second chance". Yes, everyone do deserves a second chance/ Just because he/she had a dark past, doesn't mean they are forever bad, disgusting, irritating or even queer. Past is a past, you just have to accept that. If you love someone, you will accept what really happened for their past and believed that the person has changed for his/her own good. You don't have the right to make them cry or sad just by remembering their past. It's true, some people are trying so hard to forget what happened on their past. Do you think it helped them when you keep bringing the things up? No, you're just hurting them more. Give them space. Sometimes, there are things you can't change, it's all by their own will. They forget what they want to forget. You don't have the right to make them remember it again. Try to understand deep into that person heart. What if you're on their shoes. Will you feel comfortable with it? When you said you love, it means you accept someone. Accept their dark past, accept their weaknesses, accept their little love from a big heart, accept that he/she really meant for you. Yes, you have to accept. Past can change someone. That's what you have to believe. I'm 19 and I do have my own dark past. It happen when I still a kid. A teenager. Where I don't think twice in doing something, where I made a lot of mistakes. Since then, I've changed. Changed for what happened in past. I don't want to repeat the same thing again. Past taught me that life always gave chances. Allah gives chances. So please, past is just past. Don't judge someone by it. Accept their changes.

Changed, 

Nurul Hidayah.

#HowIMetMyBestfriend

Another trend from Twitter that really reminds me of the memories. And this one really touches my heart. How I met my bestfriend? It's kinda ironic actually. The story begins when I first move to a new school. Before, at her eyes, I'm just a girl from KL ('kay ellll' poyo sikit enn) that come to Ipoh looking proud with myself cause I'm the 'princess-in-bracket' at that time. Lulz. For short, we started out our 'so-called-relationship' with becoming enemies. Haha. Kinda funny to recall back.We started out as enemies and somehow that hatred turned us into something special as bestfriend. Irony isn't it? Yeah ofc, before we became bff, we even said that we'll never ever ever ever be friends and now? Hehe. Thisis what I've learned in hating someone. When you hate someone, sooner or later, that person will be someone so close to you like she is to me now. We're not just friends, we're more like twins. I can't live without her and she can't live without me. We need each other and we complete each other. She's like a sister and tbh, she's my other half.  As long as she's with me, I don't need a man to cheer me up. I have her. We could be lesbiooonnnn. Lol~ Kidding. Don't take it so serious. Just a joke. Puh-leaseeeeee! I still have the feeling towards guys tho.I gotta a boyfriend, Aiman Adam, sorry baby, just a joke. Haha. Bestfriend is not just someone who will be by your side when you need them, give you the love you need or attention. Bestfriend is more like your other half. You'll stay together in any ways that happen. You won't leave each other and you don't even talk about each other at the back. Bestfriend is family. Yes it is. To me, she's my family. I love her as I love my family. It has been 1 year and 2 months since the accident and she's still the way she is. And I won't lose hope on her cause I know, she'll be okay. She'll remember, she'll be herself again. I always have that hope in me cause I love her. I want the best for her. Whatever I do now, I do it for her too. Cause she's a twin, and I'll never leave her behind. 

Dear Nur Zahirah, I won't lose hope on you, we'll go through this together twinnies. I love you always. Never will forget you. There's always hope and miracles. I'll keep praying for you. 

Love, a bestfriend, more like your other half.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Alhamdulillah.

For everything that Allah gave me. Well, it may not as good as I hope for. But it's okay. It wasn't that bad anyway. I still have the chances for my future. In shaa Allah, Allah has create the best future for me. I don't really know what to say. I am a little bit disappointed about it but that doesn't mean I have failed. I'm actually proud of myself, I've done the best for it. I still have a long way to go. And maybe there's a beautiful forest behind the mountains. Who knows. I just have to keep walking and travel. I may failed so many times in this life, but success is there. Right there in future waiting for me to achieve it. 

The End. 

IT'S ALL ABOUT 2013!

HEY THERE PEOPLE, 

Phs are just too mainstream.

Well first of all, I do wanna say Happy 2013 peeps. Time sure running so fast now. And I am unofficially 19 and will be official in abt 11 months more. Luls, who cares? I'm still 19. Haha I don't really hope much for this year. All I ever hope is just that let me change for good and be a better person. I know this new year won't even be nice to me like all the other years did except for my childhood years. So, I just hope I can face everything with my head up high and a smile on my face. It is better for me to just keep quiet when it hurts. (If you know what I mean) It won't change anything if I keep on arguing abt him. Men are just men which is so true and there's nothing I can do abt him. I just can pray and hope that someday he'll realize that this girl loves him with all her heart and she didn't expect more from him, she just wanted to be love. Yeah, I want him to actually appreciates me. Another hope for a new year. Hmp, I can't back down now cause I am not going to be weak just by small matters. I'll just keep on fighting and move on for the sake of my own future. Well, that is all. I don't really know what to wish on this new year post. All I hope is just that everything will gets better. In shaa Allah :)

The End. 

REMINDER

Someday you just have to remind yourself that it'll all be okay. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. Saying it enough that one day you'll actually believe it. Remind yourself that things have changed, it changed for a reason, people change for a reason. You just have to let go and move on. It's going to be hard and you're gonna feel lonely but just hold on, cause who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life?

The End.

END OF HOLIDAY.

Things have been packed. 2 luggage sit still besides my bedroom door. I looked still at them with my two arms around my legs. The lanterns at the head of my bed are now shining in my dark room. Here I am, sitting at the edge of my bed, blogging. What else can I do? When else can I find a time to blog after this? December 2012 means I'm back into my hectic life. The life as a student. It's kinda sad cause I'm gonna leave my soft pillow and bed, my cute pink princess room, my cactus, my books, my imagination box, my closet and back to the college with small space of closet, such uncomfortable pillow and mattress, and of course, sharing rooms. Haha I never liked sharing rooms with people even when I'm a kid. I always have my own room. Haha. The truth. *okay, getting back to the mood* This is the sacrifices I have to make for achieving success. And I hope it'll be worth it in the end. Semester break, for this 1 month and 3 weeks break, I really enjoyed my time at home. Everything I want, I got at home. I can live with the imaginations from all of the novels. I can actually open up my closet and start to mix and match clothes. And I can possibly talk to all my cactus without worrying people might say I'm crazy for talking to the plants. Yes, home sweet home. But now, the semester break has comes to its end. I have one more day left to enjoy this moment. Frankly speaking, I don't really get excited in going back to the college even I knew that I can meet Aiman there. But I'm tired. Tired of having all the dramas there. And everything that will just make me feel sick. Fake friends, troublesome guys, rumors, backstabbers. I just hope I could ignore everything and move on with my life. Second semester, which means the last semester, I have to go through this all over again and stay alive in it. I know I can. I believe I can. Well then, until we meet again on May dear holiday. I'm looking forward for it. In shaa Allah we will. 

How the bed looks like on holiday. *Phs by tumblr.

Taking care of cactus.*Phs by tumblr

The best feelings ever when I actually got to talk with them. I'm gonna miss holiday. *Phs by Dy.

Finished 5 books in 1 month and 3 weeks semester break. I just love books. *Phs by Dy.

"Ya Allah, starting from this moment, please ease everything up for me, give me the strength that I need to face all the tests and obstacles that you'll give to me, and Ya Allah, protect me from any bad things. Amin"

Love, 

Nurul Hidayah.