JUST STOP.

One incident can change one's whole life. Yes, it is. And in my case, one incident, changes my whole perception. These days, we (women), tend to feel like we're the vulnerable one, the one who keeps on hurting in any kind of matter, the one that will always be the losing player in a game, the one that will never be happy, the one that always am the victim. But here's what we're wrong about it. Men, they do have feelings too. They are. The only difference between us and them is that we tend to show our feelings and emotions, but they're using their ego to hide it. Whenever they feel sad, they hide their tears with ego. Man and their ego, can't be separated just like us, women can't be separated by emotions and feelings. 

I've seen my dad at his worst. 

I've seen my man at his worst. 

Tears running down from their eyes, their precious tears,

in front of me, and I died in that moment. 

I felt like I'm the chosen one. Why? Because I can actually look at them in the eyes when they're crying. And a hug was given by me, Trying to make everything better. But I just can't. The warm of the hug is not enough to solve everything. But it sure can comfort us in that moment. Men feel hurt. They can be so vulnerable at one time either. And it is not our right to judge them by saying, "All men are the same." Yes, "Men will always be men." But what if the men said the same thing to us? "All women are the same." Will we like it? To be compared to other girls? I don't. Absolutely not. Cause I have my own specialty. I'm different. That's how they felt about it too. So, enough with all the men hurt women thingy, men doesn't have feelings and whatsoever. 

Because it is so not true. I've seen two of my favorite man at their worst and I know how does it feels like to see a man got weak and get rid of their ego for just a moment. All of our tears are precious. Even if we're women or men, Both are the same. So, appreciate each other. That's what we should do from now on. 

Mawar. 

HOW CAN YOU HATE SOMEONE SO HARD?

You won't know how someone you hate the most before can be the one who understands you the most. I never knew that it could happen. Mom always told me, when you hate someone, be prepared to love them too. People are born to judge. Every time they first met, the first thing they do is judge. Maybe by the look, maybe by the outside attitude of that someone. And I did the same too. And that's when I realize it was my biggest mistake. Without knowing how that someone is really nice to me, I just judge. Because he/she may did something that make me pissed. But that's just it. Now, I was left alone in this world full of lies. When friends are gone, they came. The people that I used to hate, they came, helping me. Lifting me up, motivate me to stay positive in my life. And I actually cry. Not because of what they said, because what I've became before. Alone in my own world, I never thought that something upside down will happened. Everything is upside down. I've learned something in life and try to fix it now. The lesson in life. 

xoxo, 

Nurul Hidayah.

BELIEVER

You know, these days are never easy for me. It is not I can tell you that. o many unexpected things happened but yet, I think that incidents really taught me something. Taught me to not forever feel insecure. It's my first time ever being in a long distance relationship and I am scared that I'm gonna sucks at it. But, with the support I had, I don't have to be scared anymore. Insecurities will always be there with me. I'm not going to lie about that because all girls will feel the same. And yes, I do believe that trust is all you need when you're far apart because distance only separates you in the eyes, not in the heart. He told me so. And I have no doubts on him. Why should I? I trust him. I've spend almost 10 months with him together and I know he loves me as just the same as I do. Mimie once said to me, she doesn't really believes in 'trust needed when you're far apart'. She believed that when two person are separated by distance, they must have the feeling of needing each other and that what makes them always feel closed. And I am not saying it's wrong. For me, it's also true. When both of you needed each other, you won;t even forget each other. And I believed in that too. There are so many things that people keep saying about long distance relationship. Some also give negatives response, but it's just part of their opinion. The rest is all belong to me. I'm the one who's experiencing it, and I believe in my relationship. That's all matter. Can't wait for May to come. Dear May, please come sooner :) 

Believer,

Nurul Hidayah

I CHOOSE TO LOVE

I guess, I just have to endure this feeling. Can't do anything about it anymore. It's between me and my heart. There's nothing else I can do. Nobody understands. Nobody really know about this person, which is me. Nobody knows. This feeling, I'll hide it with all the smile I have. I thought this is what we called sacrifice, but sooner or later,I feel like I'm a joke. Am I the only one who keep chasing when 'the other part of me' is not? Do I look that desperate cause I do feel like I'm a joke to everyone. Why can't I just stay away? Why can't I just forget? It's because I love. Yes, I love. I have thousand of reasons to be apart, but this love is stronger than any of that reasons. I stay cause I love. Don't tell me what to do. I'm maybe a joke, but this love is no joke. It's true. So, in the end, I endured this, and be a joke to everyone. Looking like a fool, just because I love. Is it wrong to love?

Enduring.

GOOD AT NOTHING

#WORDLESSPOST

Screw Myself. I'm good at nothing.

IT'S THE MATTER OF LIFE

Writing while imagining I'm sitting at the edge of it.

What should I right now? I got thousands of words to be written and I don;t even know how to express it. It's so hard since everything you post or say now will be judge. Yes it will, no matter from whom. Even if this is like an online diary for me,it's hard to spill everything out. People will be nonstop judging and I will be over-thinking about that. Abut what the horrible thing people will say. Life matter really does get harder when we gets older. As for now, I've lived in this world for almost 19 years and I've faced through a lot of things. Love is just one of the thing I faced. And now, I have to worry about lots of thing. Contrast to my childhood, the only thing I have to worry about is what will I have to say to mom if I dirt my clothes. As easy as that. Growing older is really not a simple thing, it's challenging. Sure it does. Amsyar once said to me, it's about love "You know what babe, at the age of people like us, 18/19, love really doesn't matter. You don't have to break your heart every time you fell in love. It doesn't even a thing that you should think and keep inside your head. When the time comes, true love will find you, itself. You just have to live your life. You're a woman, a cheerful lady as I know you before. Be that girl again, cut out all of the crying and remember to smile and laugh. It will make you feel better. Sure it will. Don't over-think as it will only make you miserable" Mom once said "Life will not be easy to you. But it doesn't mean that life is going to be hard. You'll be okay if you know how to live your life perfectly as you wanted to because when life gets harder, remember, it just want to teach you how to be stronger."And I think back, he actually got the point there. Why should I cry every night over the same thing and all the matter that bother me and the haters when I can easily smile and laugh with my life and be happy. I shouldn't have thought too much about it. As now, I just have to live my life and be happy. Sayang, if one day you'll be reading this post. I really hope you won't misunderstood. I do love you, always. It's not that I hate you or something. I'm just trying to cheer myself up. This girl is on fire now, let her live. Be stronger.

The End.

#HowIMetMyBestfriend

Another trend from Twitter that really reminds me of the memories. And this one really touches my heart. How I met my bestfriend? It's kinda ironic actually. The story begins when I first move to a new school. Before, at her eyes, I'm just a girl from KL ('kay ellll' poyo sikit enn) that come to Ipoh looking proud with myself cause I'm the 'princess-in-bracket' at that time. Lulz. For short, we started out our 'so-called-relationship' with becoming enemies. Haha. Kinda funny to recall back.We started out as enemies and somehow that hatred turned us into something special as bestfriend. Irony isn't it? Yeah ofc, before we became bff, we even said that we'll never ever ever ever be friends and now? Hehe. Thisis what I've learned in hating someone. When you hate someone, sooner or later, that person will be someone so close to you like she is to me now. We're not just friends, we're more like twins. I can't live without her and she can't live without me. We need each other and we complete each other. She's like a sister and tbh, she's my other half.  As long as she's with me, I don't need a man to cheer me up. I have her. We could be lesbiooonnnn. Lol~ Kidding. Don't take it so serious. Just a joke. Puh-leaseeeeee! I still have the feeling towards guys tho.I gotta a boyfriend, Aiman Adam, sorry baby, just a joke. Haha. Bestfriend is not just someone who will be by your side when you need them, give you the love you need or attention. Bestfriend is more like your other half. You'll stay together in any ways that happen. You won't leave each other and you don't even talk about each other at the back. Bestfriend is family. Yes it is. To me, she's my family. I love her as I love my family. It has been 1 year and 2 months since the accident and she's still the way she is. And I won't lose hope on her cause I know, she'll be okay. She'll remember, she'll be herself again. I always have that hope in me cause I love her. I want the best for her. Whatever I do now, I do it for her too. Cause she's a twin, and I'll never leave her behind. 

Dear Nur Zahirah, I won't lose hope on you, we'll go through this together twinnies. I love you always. Never will forget you. There's always hope and miracles. I'll keep praying for you. 

Love, a bestfriend, more like your other half.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Alhamdulillah.

For everything that Allah gave me. Well, it may not as good as I hope for. But it's okay. It wasn't that bad anyway. I still have the chances for my future. In shaa Allah, Allah has create the best future for me. I don't really know what to say. I am a little bit disappointed about it but that doesn't mean I have failed. I'm actually proud of myself, I've done the best for it. I still have a long way to go. And maybe there's a beautiful forest behind the mountains. Who knows. I just have to keep walking and travel. I may failed so many times in this life, but success is there. Right there in future waiting for me to achieve it. 

The End. 

IT'S ALL ABOUT 2013!

HEY THERE PEOPLE, 

Phs are just too mainstream.

Well first of all, I do wanna say Happy 2013 peeps. Time sure running so fast now. And I am unofficially 19 and will be official in abt 11 months more. Luls, who cares? I'm still 19. Haha I don't really hope much for this year. All I ever hope is just that let me change for good and be a better person. I know this new year won't even be nice to me like all the other years did except for my childhood years. So, I just hope I can face everything with my head up high and a smile on my face. It is better for me to just keep quiet when it hurts. (If you know what I mean) It won't change anything if I keep on arguing abt him. Men are just men which is so true and there's nothing I can do abt him. I just can pray and hope that someday he'll realize that this girl loves him with all her heart and she didn't expect more from him, she just wanted to be love. Yeah, I want him to actually appreciates me. Another hope for a new year. Hmp, I can't back down now cause I am not going to be weak just by small matters. I'll just keep on fighting and move on for the sake of my own future. Well, that is all. I don't really know what to wish on this new year post. All I hope is just that everything will gets better. In shaa Allah :)

The End. 

A VOICE FROM HEART

Take me to this place for peace, please. 

Is it wrong for me to give up? Is it wrong for me to be happy? Is it even wrong for me to be alone? Is it wrong for me to love someone? Is it wrong for me to be loved by someone? Is it wrong for me to actually do something good for once in my life? Is it wrong for me to feel insecure? Is it wrong for me to get mad? Is it wrong for me to sulk? Is it wrong for me to act a bit childish? Is it wrong for me to get jealous? Is it wrong for me to make someone trust me? Is it wrong for me to trust people? Is it wrong for me to make someone happy? Is it wrong for me to feel stupid? Is it wrong for me to tell people about my feelings? Is it wrong for me to over-thinking? Is it wrong for me to have so many different feelings? Is it wrong for me to actually live my life?

Why is everything gets so hard for me? Why now? Why don't warned me earlier so that I could get prepared for such incidents? Why make the future a secret for me? Why do I have to ask these kind of questions? Why am I feeling miserable? 

Most important question is that why is the world, time and people are being too mean to me? What have I done wrong?

*a voice from the heart* 

"This is the punishment for you to put on too much hopes on something that can't guarantee your happiness. You've done too many wrongs to yourself. Now, face it." 

*cry*

The End.

END OF HOLIDAY.

Things have been packed. 2 luggage sit still besides my bedroom door. I looked still at them with my two arms around my legs. The lanterns at the head of my bed are now shining in my dark room. Here I am, sitting at the edge of my bed, blogging. What else can I do? When else can I find a time to blog after this? December 2012 means I'm back into my hectic life. The life as a student. It's kinda sad cause I'm gonna leave my soft pillow and bed, my cute pink princess room, my cactus, my books, my imagination box, my closet and back to the college with small space of closet, such uncomfortable pillow and mattress, and of course, sharing rooms. Haha I never liked sharing rooms with people even when I'm a kid. I always have my own room. Haha. The truth. *okay, getting back to the mood* This is the sacrifices I have to make for achieving success. And I hope it'll be worth it in the end. Semester break, for this 1 month and 3 weeks break, I really enjoyed my time at home. Everything I want, I got at home. I can live with the imaginations from all of the novels. I can actually open up my closet and start to mix and match clothes. And I can possibly talk to all my cactus without worrying people might say I'm crazy for talking to the plants. Yes, home sweet home. But now, the semester break has comes to its end. I have one more day left to enjoy this moment. Frankly speaking, I don't really get excited in going back to the college even I knew that I can meet Aiman there. But I'm tired. Tired of having all the dramas there. And everything that will just make me feel sick. Fake friends, troublesome guys, rumors, backstabbers. I just hope I could ignore everything and move on with my life. Second semester, which means the last semester, I have to go through this all over again and stay alive in it. I know I can. I believe I can. Well then, until we meet again on May dear holiday. I'm looking forward for it. In shaa Allah we will. 

How the bed looks like on holiday. *Phs by tumblr.

Taking care of cactus.*Phs by tumblr

The best feelings ever when I actually got to talk with them. I'm gonna miss holiday. *Phs by Dy.

Finished 5 books in 1 month and 3 weeks semester break. I just love books. *Phs by Dy.

"Ya Allah, starting from this moment, please ease everything up for me, give me the strength that I need to face all the tests and obstacles that you'll give to me, and Ya Allah, protect me from any bad things. Amin"

Love, 

Nurul Hidayah.

18 IS MY AGE.

20th November - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! :D

I had such a great birthday yesterday. What else can I say and ask for? Most of the wishes on my wish list are already granted. Haha Alhamdulillah. Thank you to Allah for still giving me the chance to live for 18 year. I'm grateful to that. I really am. And thanks to mom for hvng me into this world, carrying me in her belly for 9 months. Thanks to my dad for taking a good care of me until I've become 18 which means I'm already an adult. Hehe. & I should act like one. No more immature decision and playfulness. But, I still trying to get rid of that from myself. Seriously. Haha All I wish for this year is that I can be a better person to my parents, my sisters and to my Creator, Allah. I'm really happy for my birthday. But the sad things is, my girlfriends are not here with me. Hmp. Lilo is still in her 'conditions' and B is at KL, not coming back to Ipoh. I just want them to be with me like all the years before. I've never missed a year celebrating my birthday with them. But since we all get our own life now, everything changed. But I'm glad they still remember my birthday. And I can't wait to meet them a.s.a.p. And thanks to sayang too, for willing to be on the phone with me for just about 1 hour actually. Haha I miss talking to you. Thanks to Hotlink for the free calls. Well Alhamdulillah, now that I'm 18, everything I do, it's based on my own decision. So I should be a woman now, not a girl anymore. Not forgetting, for those who wished my birthday, thanks a lot! Really appreciated that. 

This is what I got for my birthday ;

A birthday card from dad. I love you dad!

A gift from sayang. Hehe. These two teddies are so cute. I named them Aiman & Nurul for us. Let him be the chef and I'm the cake holder. I love you :*

A birthday wish from Qi Razali. What else can I asked for? Haha getting a wish from him is on the top of my wish list. I'm so glad for it. Thanks Qi Razali.

And finally, Birthday Dinner at Nando's with my family. Mom treated us. Thanks mom. You know that I love Nando's. Hehe.

Thanks for today Ya Allah. 

Love,

Nurul Hidayah.

CLOSING DOWN

Hai, this is my Spiderman, Mohamad Aiman Adam :) 

When the world is being mean to me, Allah sent me him to brighten my day.

*phs while studying*

This blog is going to be closed down for a week, from 1st of Oct - 7th of Oct due to my first semester final exam. See you guys soon :D

Love, 

Nurul Hidayah.