IT'S THE MATTER OF LIFE

Writing while imagining I'm sitting at the edge of it.

What should I right now? I got thousands of words to be written and I don;t even know how to express it. It's so hard since everything you post or say now will be judge. Yes it will, no matter from whom. Even if this is like an online diary for me,it's hard to spill everything out. People will be nonstop judging and I will be over-thinking about that. Abut what the horrible thing people will say. Life matter really does get harder when we gets older. As for now, I've lived in this world for almost 19 years and I've faced through a lot of things. Love is just one of the thing I faced. And now, I have to worry about lots of thing. Contrast to my childhood, the only thing I have to worry about is what will I have to say to mom if I dirt my clothes. As easy as that. Growing older is really not a simple thing, it's challenging. Sure it does. Amsyar once said to me, it's about love "You know what babe, at the age of people like us, 18/19, love really doesn't matter. You don't have to break your heart every time you fell in love. It doesn't even a thing that you should think and keep inside your head. When the time comes, true love will find you, itself. You just have to live your life. You're a woman, a cheerful lady as I know you before. Be that girl again, cut out all of the crying and remember to smile and laugh. It will make you feel better. Sure it will. Don't over-think as it will only make you miserable" Mom once said "Life will not be easy to you. But it doesn't mean that life is going to be hard. You'll be okay if you know how to live your life perfectly as you wanted to because when life gets harder, remember, it just want to teach you how to be stronger."And I think back, he actually got the point there. Why should I cry every night over the same thing and all the matter that bother me and the haters when I can easily smile and laugh with my life and be happy. I shouldn't have thought too much about it. As now, I just have to live my life and be happy. Sayang, if one day you'll be reading this post. I really hope you won't misunderstood. I do love you, always. It's not that I hate you or something. I'm just trying to cheer myself up. This girl is on fire now, let her live. Be stronger.

The End.

#HowIMetMyBestfriend

Another trend from Twitter that really reminds me of the memories. And this one really touches my heart. How I met my bestfriend? It's kinda ironic actually. The story begins when I first move to a new school. Before, at her eyes, I'm just a girl from KL ('kay ellll' poyo sikit enn) that come to Ipoh looking proud with myself cause I'm the 'princess-in-bracket' at that time. Lulz. For short, we started out our 'so-called-relationship' with becoming enemies. Haha. Kinda funny to recall back.We started out as enemies and somehow that hatred turned us into something special as bestfriend. Irony isn't it? Yeah ofc, before we became bff, we even said that we'll never ever ever ever be friends and now? Hehe. Thisis what I've learned in hating someone. When you hate someone, sooner or later, that person will be someone so close to you like she is to me now. We're not just friends, we're more like twins. I can't live without her and she can't live without me. We need each other and we complete each other. She's like a sister and tbh, she's my other half.  As long as she's with me, I don't need a man to cheer me up. I have her. We could be lesbiooonnnn. Lol~ Kidding. Don't take it so serious. Just a joke. Puh-leaseeeeee! I still have the feeling towards guys tho.I gotta a boyfriend, Aiman Adam, sorry baby, just a joke. Haha. Bestfriend is not just someone who will be by your side when you need them, give you the love you need or attention. Bestfriend is more like your other half. You'll stay together in any ways that happen. You won't leave each other and you don't even talk about each other at the back. Bestfriend is family. Yes it is. To me, she's my family. I love her as I love my family. It has been 1 year and 2 months since the accident and she's still the way she is. And I won't lose hope on her cause I know, she'll be okay. She'll remember, she'll be herself again. I always have that hope in me cause I love her. I want the best for her. Whatever I do now, I do it for her too. Cause she's a twin, and I'll never leave her behind. 

Dear Nur Zahirah, I won't lose hope on you, we'll go through this together twinnies. I love you always. Never will forget you. There's always hope and miracles. I'll keep praying for you. 

Love, a bestfriend, more like your other half.

18 IS MY AGE.

20th November - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! :D

I had such a great birthday yesterday. What else can I say and ask for? Most of the wishes on my wish list are already granted. Haha Alhamdulillah. Thank you to Allah for still giving me the chance to live for 18 year. I'm grateful to that. I really am. And thanks to mom for hvng me into this world, carrying me in her belly for 9 months. Thanks to my dad for taking a good care of me until I've become 18 which means I'm already an adult. Hehe. & I should act like one. No more immature decision and playfulness. But, I still trying to get rid of that from myself. Seriously. Haha All I wish for this year is that I can be a better person to my parents, my sisters and to my Creator, Allah. I'm really happy for my birthday. But the sad things is, my girlfriends are not here with me. Hmp. Lilo is still in her 'conditions' and B is at KL, not coming back to Ipoh. I just want them to be with me like all the years before. I've never missed a year celebrating my birthday with them. But since we all get our own life now, everything changed. But I'm glad they still remember my birthday. And I can't wait to meet them a.s.a.p. And thanks to sayang too, for willing to be on the phone with me for just about 1 hour actually. Haha I miss talking to you. Thanks to Hotlink for the free calls. Well Alhamdulillah, now that I'm 18, everything I do, it's based on my own decision. So I should be a woman now, not a girl anymore. Not forgetting, for those who wished my birthday, thanks a lot! Really appreciated that. 

This is what I got for my birthday ;

A birthday card from dad. I love you dad!

A gift from sayang. Hehe. These two teddies are so cute. I named them Aiman & Nurul for us. Let him be the chef and I'm the cake holder. I love you :*

A birthday wish from Qi Razali. What else can I asked for? Haha getting a wish from him is on the top of my wish list. I'm so glad for it. Thanks Qi Razali.

And finally, Birthday Dinner at Nando's with my family. Mom treated us. Thanks mom. You know that I love Nando's. Hehe.

Thanks for today Ya Allah. 

Love,

Nurul Hidayah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

Dear dad, 

Happy 45th Birthday Daddy! 

Happy getting old day to you. I know that I'm suppose to say "You're 45 already?" But what's really on my mind is, "Seriously dad? You're just 45? I thought you're 50 something." Hahaha, sorry dad. but its the truth. You look old to me. Yeah, whatever it is, you'll always be my dad. I still remember, when we still live in under one roof, we always celebrated our birthday together cause mine is just 3 days after yours. I still hoping for that to happen again dad. How I miss you. Well, anyway, I just wanna say Happy Birthday and may Allah bless you with all His love. I'm sure He will. I love you dad. Like love love love love love a lot! Hahhaha, InsyaAllah, I'll go back to Ampang and give you your present. My hugs and kisses for you dad :) Hehe, have a happy life dad. I'm with you all along. 

With love, 

Your truly amazing awesome cutest brilliant little princess daughter. 

XOXO, love you dad :)

#PrimarySchoolMemories

#PrimarySchoolMemories got trend on the Twitter last night. It reminds me a lot of my primaries memories. 

I caught myself smile and laugh a little when I tweet about that. Lots of memories on primaries suddenly came out of my mind. I remember every little things that happen in primaries. I miss that moment so much. I still remember how I always have a sleepover at Arisyah's house almost like every week, chasing each other at school with Sara D, Firdaus and Zainul, danced on the High School Musical with Damia, Fara and Abidah, acting a hilarious drama in the class with Arshad, gossiping with Sara A. Oh, there's a lot of thing going on at that time. I couldn't even forget it if I want to. I realized that was the most amazing moment I ever had in my life. How happy I am when I was just a kid. No love, no pain. Just fun and friends. I still remember how cute I am in primaries. Went to school with my 'GIRLS' backpack, ponytails hair, and have this 'special' hand shake whenever I met my friends at school. I never thought how happy I am back then. If I have the chance to turn back the time, I'll go back to my primaries and live that moment for awhile. But I can't. Time will never turn back, it will keep moving on. So do I. So, let the memories stay here in my heart and in my mind so that whenever I feel depressed, frustrated, sad, angry and etc, I will look back at the memories and laugh my ass off in the room alone. If I have the chance to meet everyone in my primaries soon, I think we're gonna do some stupid things like we used to in our primaries. Haha. They are the true friends actually. No drama, no hatred, just fun and friendship. That is what my primaries are all about. 

Love,

Nurul Hidayah.

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO TIME

*wipe away all the dust and spider's web from my blog*

Oh yeah, hi. I'm back. Back to start typing again. Typing about my life.

Have you ever feel that your life is changing? When you grew older, everything changes follow with the time. I do. Things have change. So do I. I still remember back then, when I was just a kid. Celebrating my birthday every year together with my dad. Play with Barbie dolls when I'm bored. Watch The Jungle Book movie every weekend night with my parents. Go on a holiday with family. 

And I still remember the time when I grew a little older and got into the primary school. Everything was so perfect. I'm the best student in that school. Never failed to get first place in any exams. The brightest student my teachers ever had. I have best friends. Still remember their name. Pika and Dayana. Damia, Syasya, Baizatul, Arshad, Sara D, Sara A, Muiz, Firdaus, Zainul. We can be so crazy at one time and spent the whole day together at the school. 

And I grew older. I got into the secondary school. When things became more complicated. I started to know what love is. I started to date. I don't even think I wanna talk about the first guy I date here, cause it's not something that I should remember about. None of my love story had an happy ending. None. I always got dumped. Maybe I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I got all the exams to focus on. PMR, SPM and all that. I wasn't the brightest student in school anymore. I'm just some girls who only think that she can spent all of her day at school, enjoying. My results weren't that good as I did in my primaries. Well, at least I'm still a brilliant student in English subject. I hate my secondaries. 

Time passed. And now, here I am. Leaving the school life. And start a new life in University. I thought everything could be so much better. But nothing is. Life get harder. Harder than I ever thought. I need to give my full commitment in my study, my family, my life, my relationship with Allah and my relationship with my guy. This time, there's no more puppy love. I'm 18, and my guy wishes that we can hv this one serious relationship. And I respect that. When I grow older, I started to realize that everything I do, every decision that I made, I need to face the consequences by myself. There's no more mom, no more dad to help me. I'm a grown up person now. I need to think for myself. And it's hard. I always made the wrong decision and end up crying like a little girl on the bed and started to lock myself up in the room for days. 

I guess now, all I got to do is move on. I need to face all these. Let time heals my pain and my previous stories teach me about life. I can't die no matter how much I want to. It is not my time yet. Things will change no matter how much you don't want them to. 

Love, 

Nurul Hidayah. 

CLOSING DOWN

Hai, this is my Spiderman, Mohamad Aiman Adam :) 

When the world is being mean to me, Allah sent me him to brighten my day.

*phs while studying*

This blog is going to be closed down for a week, from 1st of Oct - 7th of Oct due to my first semester final exam. See you guys soon :D

Love, 

Nurul Hidayah.

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

One of the dream place.

Hai there, its quite a while since the last time I updated my blog. So many days passed, time sure flies so fast. I am now almost at the end of my first semester here. Believe it or not, things are getting better than before. Everything changed. My life, study time, friends, my guy, everything turned out to be awesome. There's no more argument, no more misunderstanding, no more stress, no frustration. All I feel now is happy. Just happy. I have my friends with me, everyday, every second of my day. Even Aiman, he's changed. A lot more better than before and I love the way he is now. No more crying, no more hatred, just no more negative feelings in my heart. Alhamdulillah, I thanked Allah for that. For turning my life better, for listening to my prayer. Alhamdulillah :) I am pretty sure this semester will end with '.......and they lived happily ever after'. Haha, I hope so. Well, the thing is that after the rain fall, there's always a rainbow after that and I believe on that. If something happens, be patient. Cause in the end, it will be worth it. For me, it is. Don't you ever give up without trying with all the effort you can. Everyone deserves to live a happy life and I've found mine. Thank you Mohamad Aiman Adam for making my life so much better. Thank you for loving me, protecting me and make me feel like Im the luckiest girl in the world because you love me. Thank you for being the shoulder for me to cry on, wipe my tears with your cute little thumb, and try all that you can to put a smile on my face again. To my friends, (you know who you are) thanks for always be by my side when Im in need of friend's hug. Thank you for keep supporting me through everything. Thanks for giving me the life I've always wanted. Thanks for giving me the strength that I need to keep me alive. And thanks to Allah, for making my life better. I have a lot of things to thank to, but words just couldnt describe all of it. All I hope is that, things will always stick this way, dont change anything. Because one day, I would like to be called as a wife to Aiman, a mother to Rasul Iman and Alyssa Dania, a daughter that can make my parents proud of, the best friend to my friends and a good muslimah to Allah. InsyaAllah, i'll get to that day before I die. InsyaAllah, Allah will always listen to my prayers.

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

LEFT OUT?

Have you ever feel the feeling when you've transferred to a new place and need to adapt a new life there, but then you've been left out by some people and all out of sudden you miss your girls and your best friend?

I've felt now. In fact, I am 'feeling' it now. Basically, I don't even think I've been left out by those people here, it's just that, some people, that I've considered as the closest friend I have here is slowly walking away from my life. Why? That is the question that I keep asking myself. Do I have done any wrong to them? There's no real reason by all this thing that happen. It came out of nowhere. Maybe, it's the time for me to be alone now. I' maybe better off alone. Cause there's saying that 'You've to fight for your life even if it means you have to fight alone'. Being alone, doesn't mean I have no friends. I do have friends, but they're nothing like my girls, Lilo and Aimi. The true girls in my life. 

I miss them soo much. I miss our girl's day out, I miss our shopping spring, I miss our karaoke tense out day, I miss everything. After what had happened to Lilo, we've never experienced those kind of days anymore. Everything is lost. Our, which means me and Aimi's strength has gone. There's no one like these girls. I can;t find girls like them anywhere. I grow with these girls. They're my strength. And this is the time when I need them. Let me be alone, I don't care. I still have people who love me. Being left out is never a bad thing, it's actually teaches you, who's your true friend is :) I'm standing still alone and proud. Forever will be.

Meet Aimi, a.k.a my baby <3

Meet Lilo, my sunshine, my strength, my twinnies <3

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

HAPPY EID :)

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI :D

Gambar raya masa 2011. Tahun ni punya gambar raya belum lg diupload. Haha. 

Assalammualaikum and Hai readers :)

Happy Eid to all Muslims in the world. And for those who knows me, please forgive me for all my wrongs. Sorry for my annoying-ness because the power of annoying-ness that I have keep increasing year by year. Haha. And please, 'halalkan' everything that you guys ever gave to me. I'm just a normal human being, I do wrongs too and I'm not that perfect. And for you, haters, I forgive you guys already. Lol~ Happy Eid people. You're invited to my house for this raya okay. Please come :) 

P/S: Feels like using the rainbows today :)

Sincerely from me, with all my hearts :

Nurul Hidayah Binti Mohd Mazalan ♛ 

I DECIDED....

The doll from He's Beautiful :)

I decided...

I decided to be quiet today.

I decided to stay quiet.

I decided to keep everything in my heart, starting from today.

The fact is, even if I speak it out loud, nobody will ever listens, nobody's going to pay attention, nobody's going to remember that moment. So, I decided to keep it quiet, all by myself. I don't even know why. But sometimes, letting out everything that you feel in your heart doesn't really good. Saying this from my own experience. When someone doesn't knows you better, and start judging you and you feel intimidate by it, you'll became frustrated and start think negatively about yourself. Well, it happens to me. Before and even now. I've always feel a little bit insecure with myself. Err, not that 'little bit'. Its actually 'A LOT'. I am so insecure with myself. I've always think that what if when I've found a guy, and he doesn't loves me the way I am. I am insecure that he might find somebody else when he got bored with me. I am insecure with everything that I have in my life. "Insecure" another words that really synonyms with the girls. Well, most of the girls I know are insecure with themselves. Urgh, I don't even know how to express it. So, I decided to be quiet. Maybe it's best to just keep it with me and my heart. Hoping that everything will passed by with times. I decided....I decided to keep it.

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

OUR FIRST TIME

Its our first time...me and him, 

Our photo last year. Lol~

On the phone till late at night for almost an hour. Yeah, we're unlike other couples that used to have late night conversation almost everyday. We dont call, we text messaging. And last night was our first time. Lol~ Isnt it funny? But, I find it cute. He doesnt talk that much and he called me last night. We talked, talked, and talked while the time pass by. We didnt even notice it has been almost an hour late night conversation. Im going to remember this moment forever. Thank you awak for calling me last night till late night. I love you :)

IT COMES BACK TO YOU

Assalammualaikum,
Dear Readers♥ 

First of all, I wanna say Hi and Assalammualaikum to July. Welcome back July in a brand new year :) Hopefully, this July will be 'just fine' to me and please be nice to me. Cause, July is a test month. Almost every subject will have their first test in July. May everything goes well, InsyaAllah. The thing is now, Im not going to talk about July actually cause I've always talked the same thing about July almost every year. So, just shorten it a bit for this year. Hewhew :3

I've realise something now after it has been a month since Im here, (in Shah Alam) away from the closest people around me. "Remember to always be nice to everyone even if that person do bad things to you or maybe hurt you. Cause what goes around will comes back around". Mom always said this to me when Im going somewhere far from her for long time. And time just proven that the phrases is true. it does happen to me. Well, here's a lil' bit story about it. As you know, I have a boyfriend before (which is my ex now). And Im really closed with his family. And his family are just like mine. But as written by Allah, we are not belong to each other even we wanted to. Me and him broke up last year. And as mom has said, always be nice even he'd hurt me at that time. I've accepted that the relationship is over with all my heart cause I know that something do happen for a reason. And until now, we still in contact like a friend. Like we used to be a 'friend' before. The amazing thing is, me and his family are still like a family. Got it? Even his mom, his sisters, his cousins and so on still being nice to me. They visited me in UiTM. Sending me awesome meals, (esp his mom pudings). Hanging out with me on weekends and so on. Honestly, at first, I feel like I dont wanna involve with any of his family anymore but the phrases that mom said always there in my mind. And I am so grateful that I listen to mom. (Well, mom always knows the best) 


Now, even that Im far away from mom, from my family, I still have a 'family' here :) So, I wont be that homesick actually cause I know that there's still someone, some people who do cares about me here. So peeps, just a reminder to you, always be nice, delete the word 'payback' in your life dictionary. Just be nice to people. Cause everything will comes back to you. Sooner or late~

p/s: I hate test. lol~

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

WORDLESS FATHER'S DAY POST

Assalammualaikum daddy, 
Dear Mr. Mohd Mazalan bin Bahaman ♥

Happy Father's Day to you dad. I love you so so so much! Thanks for raising me up so well. You're my hero forever! And remember that forever is a long time dad. Love you with all my heart, again :)

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

Your Little Daughter,

INDUCTION DAY

Assalammualaikum, 
Dear readers, 


Well, I am not going to talk much on today's post. Cause there's no words could actually describe on how happy and how much fun do I have today on the Induction Day for Asasi TESL's June 2012/2013 student. Its like the best orientation I've ever been to before. Seriously. Thanks to all the seniors, kakak-2 and abang-2 from B. Ed. Tesl. We really do appreciate what you guys have done for us today. We have a lot of fun. Playing twisted tongue, 'telefon buruk', blind waiters, treasure hunt, and etc. Here's some photo of me and my friends, having fun. Lol~

The Red Warriors!
From the top, left, Patricia, Ericka, Lyana, Madi, Aiman.
From the left, in front, Aliq, Noor, Adibah, Dira, Me, Abg Johan, Hanan, Afirul.

This is how monsters (hungry people) looks like. Lol~

Meet Mek. Haha, a girl from Kelantan, Wan Syuhada. I love to call her Mek.

Teeth commercial break models. Lulz,

"Hoi, dont interrupt. Im trying to take a photo here. Hahaha"

Safura "Mek ni, tidur je tahu. Kawe debik nnt, kawe penat senyum ni"
Mek "Kawe ngantuk dah ni. Kawe nak tidur'
Me "Guys, smile guys. Show your strong teeth. This is an audition for teeth commercial break model"
LOL~

Dizzy-ness.

SERIOUSLY LYANA? SERIOUSLY? Hahaha,

The Loudest Girls in the group. Here we are :D

Meet Lyana~

Meet Engku Hanan~