GOOD AT NOTHING

#WORDLESSPOST

Screw Myself. I'm good at nothing.

Why?

Why do you have to judge someone for his/her dark past? Is it necessary to do that? Do you think it is. Everyone has a dark past, nobody hasn't including you. Have you ever heard this, "Everyone deserves a second chance". Yes, everyone do deserves a second chance/ Just because he/she had a dark past, doesn't mean they are forever bad, disgusting, irritating or even queer. Past is a past, you just have to accept that. If you love someone, you will accept what really happened for their past and believed that the person has changed for his/her own good. You don't have the right to make them cry or sad just by remembering their past. It's true, some people are trying so hard to forget what happened on their past. Do you think it helped them when you keep bringing the things up? No, you're just hurting them more. Give them space. Sometimes, there are things you can't change, it's all by their own will. They forget what they want to forget. You don't have the right to make them remember it again. Try to understand deep into that person heart. What if you're on their shoes. Will you feel comfortable with it? When you said you love, it means you accept someone. Accept their dark past, accept their weaknesses, accept their little love from a big heart, accept that he/she really meant for you. Yes, you have to accept. Past can change someone. That's what you have to believe. I'm 19 and I do have my own dark past. It happen when I still a kid. A teenager. Where I don't think twice in doing something, where I made a lot of mistakes. Since then, I've changed. Changed for what happened in past. I don't want to repeat the same thing again. Past taught me that life always gave chances. Allah gives chances. So please, past is just past. Don't judge someone by it. Accept their changes.

Changed, 

Nurul Hidayah.

IT'S THE MATTER OF LIFE

Writing while imagining I'm sitting at the edge of it.

What should I right now? I got thousands of words to be written and I don;t even know how to express it. It's so hard since everything you post or say now will be judge. Yes it will, no matter from whom. Even if this is like an online diary for me,it's hard to spill everything out. People will be nonstop judging and I will be over-thinking about that. Abut what the horrible thing people will say. Life matter really does get harder when we gets older. As for now, I've lived in this world for almost 19 years and I've faced through a lot of things. Love is just one of the thing I faced. And now, I have to worry about lots of thing. Contrast to my childhood, the only thing I have to worry about is what will I have to say to mom if I dirt my clothes. As easy as that. Growing older is really not a simple thing, it's challenging. Sure it does. Amsyar once said to me, it's about love "You know what babe, at the age of people like us, 18/19, love really doesn't matter. You don't have to break your heart every time you fell in love. It doesn't even a thing that you should think and keep inside your head. When the time comes, true love will find you, itself. You just have to live your life. You're a woman, a cheerful lady as I know you before. Be that girl again, cut out all of the crying and remember to smile and laugh. It will make you feel better. Sure it will. Don't over-think as it will only make you miserable" Mom once said "Life will not be easy to you. But it doesn't mean that life is going to be hard. You'll be okay if you know how to live your life perfectly as you wanted to because when life gets harder, remember, it just want to teach you how to be stronger."And I think back, he actually got the point there. Why should I cry every night over the same thing and all the matter that bother me and the haters when I can easily smile and laugh with my life and be happy. I shouldn't have thought too much about it. As now, I just have to live my life and be happy. Sayang, if one day you'll be reading this post. I really hope you won't misunderstood. I do love you, always. It's not that I hate you or something. I'm just trying to cheer myself up. This girl is on fire now, let her live. Be stronger.

The End.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Alhamdulillah.

For everything that Allah gave me. Well, it may not as good as I hope for. But it's okay. It wasn't that bad anyway. I still have the chances for my future. In shaa Allah, Allah has create the best future for me. I don't really know what to say. I am a little bit disappointed about it but that doesn't mean I have failed. I'm actually proud of myself, I've done the best for it. I still have a long way to go. And maybe there's a beautiful forest behind the mountains. Who knows. I just have to keep walking and travel. I may failed so many times in this life, but success is there. Right there in future waiting for me to achieve it. 

The End. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

Dear dad, 

Happy 45th Birthday Daddy! 

Happy getting old day to you. I know that I'm suppose to say "You're 45 already?" But what's really on my mind is, "Seriously dad? You're just 45? I thought you're 50 something." Hahaha, sorry dad. but its the truth. You look old to me. Yeah, whatever it is, you'll always be my dad. I still remember, when we still live in under one roof, we always celebrated our birthday together cause mine is just 3 days after yours. I still hoping for that to happen again dad. How I miss you. Well, anyway, I just wanna say Happy Birthday and may Allah bless you with all His love. I'm sure He will. I love you dad. Like love love love love love a lot! Hahhaha, InsyaAllah, I'll go back to Ampang and give you your present. My hugs and kisses for you dad :) Hehe, have a happy life dad. I'm with you all along. 

With love, 

Your truly amazing awesome cutest brilliant little princess daughter. 

XOXO, love you dad :)

ONCE AGAIN.

Nobody wants to failed in their life. Neither do I. The final exam for my semester 1 has just came out this morning and I am so grateful on my results. Allah has helped me a lot. And now He helped me once again. He opened another way for me to achieve my dreams in the future. And He has granted all of my prayers. Alhamdulillah.  I am so speechless right now. Though, most of my friends gets higher pointer than me, and I do envy the, but that doesn't says I hate for what I got on my results. I'm still  grateful on mine. I know how much effort I've put on the final and that's what I got for the result. It wasn't that bad, I still passed the least mark which is 3.0. I just have to prove more on my second final. I hope I can do better than this. InsyaAllah, with the help from Allah, I believe in myself. And for my those that upset about your results, please don't be. You've tried your best. "It's better than nothing," - Syasya. And it is true. Don't ever give up. Keep trying, do your best, InsyaAllah there's a way leading you to success. Mom, Dad, thanks for believing in me. You guys are the best parents ever. Thanks to mom for never stop having faith on me and dad for keep supporting me. And yeah, I will make you guys proud again in the future. Thank You Allah for ease the way to success for me. And now, it's time for me to focus on my MUET. Wish me luck! :)

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Cosby

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." - Michael Jordan.

Love, 

Nurul Hidayah.

HIS PAST MEETS ME.

The feeling of insecure. As a girl, I really can't get away from feeling insecure. Especially when the shit moment comes. The shit moment when your boyfriend's ex still wants him and try everything she could to get him back. I know I shouldn't feel insecure because people say that "If he really loves you, he won't fall back to his ex. There's a reason why she's call as his ex." Yeah, I think they're right. But I still have this feeling. Can't get it away from my life. My life's experience taught me so much. "Men are just men" Blair Waldorf said. They won't change. There's this one drama I watch where his wife said wen she found out that he is cheating on her that, "As a woman, we have to take care 9 lust with just 1 mind. And men, they just have to take care of 1 lust with 9 mind. But if a woman can stand 9 lust with 1 mind and still can protect their one and only love in their heart, why cant man with 9 mind and 1 lust?" I think she got the point. Well, obviously she was given a script by the director. But that phrase, I just cant forget. But this isn't a marriage, we're just 'In a relationship..' status. I hope I have future with him. I really do. But when his past just came back, I don't know what else to do. I'm just insecure. That's it. I can't fight. No matter how hard I fight, if he's gonna pick that girl, I'm gonna lose anyway. I'm tired. I really am. After one, to another one. Why must this happen? I know I have the right to be jealous about this. Well yeah, I am suppose to be. His ex is trying to beg him to come back and he was like, trying to confront her which he should not have to. He can just say no. Sometimes, I really want to ask him, is he really gets over of his ex? But I just can't. Don't have the guts too. I'm afraid that the question might be the end for us. I have to trust on him. I love him. So, I have to. Insecure and jealousy are really killing me right now. I still got so many wounds to mend, another wound just come and make my heart ache. Oh gosh. Relationship can be so tiring and hard. I am so weak, I can't fight anymore. So I hope he'll see what we have now and just move on. Frankly speaking, I want him to just stay away from his past. Cause everything seems so perfect to him back then before we met. I'd tackle everything for him all these while, these 3 months. I hope he sees that and try to understand that his attitude with his ex right now, really hurts me. It really is hurting me. But I'll just hide everything. Hide my tears, my sorrow, my sadness, for his happiness. And dear his ex, please let him move on. I'll take care of him for you. And for myself too. Just stay away. I don't want to pick a fight. Girls fighting over a guy is so not cool. So, let him go. I'll fetch him with my bare hands. I'll make him happy. Just let us go. Give us our happiness. You had him once. This time, he's mine. So, please. I'm tired. 

Love,

Nurul Hidayah.

DEAR JOHN

Dear John,

I don't know why, but I've watch this movie plenty of time. I am so attached with this movie. For me, it might not be that romantic as 'Titanic' and 'P.S. I Love You', but it's a movie that really amuse me with its story line. I never thought how the writer could come out with such a beautiful story like this, about the sacrifice of two people who are madly in love even though they've known each other just for 2 weeks. In love with a soldier, Savannah still keep herself to be strong when he's not around for a war. I never thought that there's a woman like that who still can wait for a guy that does not guarantee her that he's coming back. Each time when they've to be apart, the last word that will be said are "I'll see you soon, John" "See you soon". Well, I don't really know why do I feel so attached with this story, am I going to experience the same thing as Savannah and John? Haha, I don't know about that. Allah has written all of my life story and I'm going to let the time do it's job. I dreamed of to be a writer, and I hope I can write as beautiful as Nicholas Sparks did. I hope so. Memorable quotes from the movie; I wish I could write it all~

“Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can't believe that ours didn't go on forever.”

“I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you’ll take me in your arms again.”

“I fell in love with her when we were together, then fell deeper in love with her in the years we were apart.” 

“I'm going to marry you one day, you know." "Is that a promise?" "If you want it to be.” 

“I love you, Savannah, and I always will," I breathed. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were my best friend and my lover, and I dont regret a single moment of it. You made me feel alive again, and most of all, you gave me my father. I'll never forget you for that. You're always going to be the very best part of me. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to leave, and you have to see your husband." As I spoke, I could feel her shaking with sobs, and I continued to hold her for a long time afterward. When we finally seperated, I knew that it would be the last time I ever held her. I backed away, my eyes holding Savannah's. "I love you, too, John," she said. "Good-bye." I raised a hand.”

“No matter where it is in the sky... No matter where you are in the world... the moon is never bigger than your thumb. -John” 

*oh how I wish Aiman could understand this story.*

Love,

Nurul Hidayah.