THAT FEELING WHEN....

I wish I was free like the birds.

Have you ever felt this kind of feeling when people starts to say that you've changed? 

I was so sad to know that. I've been through so many things these days and I can't handle it all by myself. I need someone, someone that I could depend on to actually help me. Give me the strength to keep me alive and happy. But, here comes the moment that I hate. On one fine day, when everything was almost be a better day, my brother said this to me "I miss you so much adik. Where's my old adik? The one that used to be so talkative, the one that always annoys me, the one that keep being happy all the time. I miss that adik Not this adik besides me. Not this adik that keeps crying all the time and quiet" It hurts me when I hear it. I never thought I've could change into that person. I thought I've keep my feelings deep down in my heart until no one could notice it. But someone did notice it. When I get back to college, my friends started saying this " I miss the old Nurul lah. She used to be so hyperactive and annoying but in the awesome way" It even hurts me so much when my own friends, my best friend started to notice my changes. I sit for awhile, trying to think, what did I do? Did I really change into some girl that live with a sorrow life. I never thought I've could become this way. I've been through a lot of depression these days, I cry a lot, sometimes I even ignore my friends and start being alone. Everything I do, I'll keep it to myself. Hopefully no one will bother me. This feeling right now, I wish I could just delete it and refresh. But I can't change what I am now. I try to be happy, to be the old me for the sake of my brother, my best friends and my man. Even me, myself, I hate when I've change into this sorrow person. I want to be happy again. I want to feel how to be so hyperactive and annoying again. I want to be me. I want to be Nurul. Ya Allah, please ease everything that I'll do in my life, give me the strength to face every obstacles that will came in my way. I'll always chase for my happiness. And dear abg, Ain, Mek and Iqa, sorry if I've hurt you guys by changing into this sorrow person. I just need my time to forget what had happened to me before and start a new beginning of my life now. Thanks for loving me guys. Sorry. 

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

LEFT OUT?

Have you ever feel the feeling when you've transferred to a new place and need to adapt a new life there, but then you've been left out by some people and all out of sudden you miss your girls and your best friend?

I've felt now. In fact, I am 'feeling' it now. Basically, I don't even think I've been left out by those people here, it's just that, some people, that I've considered as the closest friend I have here is slowly walking away from my life. Why? That is the question that I keep asking myself. Do I have done any wrong to them? There's no real reason by all this thing that happen. It came out of nowhere. Maybe, it's the time for me to be alone now. I' maybe better off alone. Cause there's saying that 'You've to fight for your life even if it means you have to fight alone'. Being alone, doesn't mean I have no friends. I do have friends, but they're nothing like my girls, Lilo and Aimi. The true girls in my life. 

I miss them soo much. I miss our girl's day out, I miss our shopping spring, I miss our karaoke tense out day, I miss everything. After what had happened to Lilo, we've never experienced those kind of days anymore. Everything is lost. Our, which means me and Aimi's strength has gone. There's no one like these girls. I can;t find girls like them anywhere. I grow with these girls. They're my strength. And this is the time when I need them. Let me be alone, I don't care. I still have people who love me. Being left out is never a bad thing, it's actually teaches you, who's your true friend is :) I'm standing still alone and proud. Forever will be.

Meet Aimi, a.k.a my baby <3

Meet Lilo, my sunshine, my strength, my twinnies <3

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

THE EYES ARE RAINING.

Unstoppable tears keep falls down from my eyes. I tried to stop, but nothing works. I tried to watch happy tree friends to make me laugh again, it doesn't work. I tried to talk to my friends, but no words came out from my lips. I tried to take a deep breath and sit on the balcony, it didn't work too. So, I just let the tears flows. Flows down from my eyes. I wish I can stop. I wish I know how to. I just wish, he knew. I just wish, he's the one that's going to hug me and say "I'm sorry baby I've hurt you, please don't cry. It hurts me" Just simple as that. But everything turns out to be just a dream. He's just one of those guys. If only he understands me. There's not even a second, the feeling of dumping him appear across my head or my mind. Never. Please don't ever think that way if I ask you some crappy things. I'm a person that loves to think. Sometimes it leads to over-thinking, so I need yo to bring me back to the reality. Why am I wasting my tears about this little things? Well, this little things to you, means a big thing to me. Our relationship. Is a big thing.

If only I'm in your arms. I'm sorry, I'm not the best girlfriend you ever had.

Keep repeating this song with no reasons.

Love, Nurul Hidayah♛

"CHEER UP DIDO. THAT'S ALL THAT YOU CAN EVER DO :D"