"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Monday, September 3, 2012


I wish I was free like the birds.

Have you ever felt this kind of feeling when people starts to say that you've changed? 
I was so sad to know that. I've been through so many things these days and I can't handle it all by myself. I need someone, someone that I could depend on to actually help me. Give me the strength to keep me alive and happy. But, here comes the moment that I hate. On one fine day, when everything was almost be a better day, my brother said this to me "I miss you so much adik. Where's my old adik? The one that used to be so talkative, the one that always annoys me, the one that keep being happy all the time. I miss that adik Not this adik besides me. Not this adik that keeps crying all the time and quiet" It hurts me when I hear it. I never thought I've could change into that person. I thought I've keep my feelings deep down in my heart until no one could notice it. But someone did notice it. When I get back to college, my friends started saying this " I miss the old Nurul lah. She used to be so hyperactive and annoying but in the awesome way" It even hurts me so much when my own friends, my best friend started to notice my changes. I sit for awhile, trying to think, what did I do? Did I really change into some girl that live with a sorrow life. I never thought I've could become this way. I've been through a lot of depression these days, I cry a lot, sometimes I even ignore my friends and start being alone. Everything I do, I'll keep it to myself. Hopefully no one will bother me. This feeling right now, I wish I could just delete it and refresh. But I can't change what I am now. I try to be happy, to be the old me for the sake of my brother, my best friends and my man. Even me, myself, I hate when I've change into this sorrow person. I want to be happy again. I want to feel how to be so hyperactive and annoying again. I want to be me. I want to be Nurul. Ya Allah, please ease everything that I'll do in my life, give me the strength to face every obstacles that will came in my way. I'll always chase for my happiness. And dear abg, Ain, Mek and Iqa, sorry if I've hurt you guys by changing into this sorrow person. I just need my time to forget what had happened to me before and start a new beginning of my life now. Thanks for loving me guys. Sorry. 

Love, Nurul Hidayah