"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Sunday, August 26, 2012


 Frankly speaking, 

Love stories generally build up to a romantic climax and then end, leaving us with the impression that the couple lived happily ever after. Sadly, the reality is rarely as rosy as this.In the first flush of love nothing much matters beyond being together - no sacrifice is too great if it helps you spend more time with the person whose mere presence intoxicates you. But when the intoxication starts to wear off, as it does unfortunately, little misunderstandings start to occur, causing friction, irritation, long cold silences or angry rows and the rosy image of love can give way to a deep sense of disillusion.

Why is there this friction between men and women?
The root cause of the problem, apparently, is that men and women don't understand just how different they are emotionally. Men and women respond to problems in very different ways and consequently have very different emotional needs. When people insist on their own needs and fail to properly appreciate the needs of their partners there is bound to be friction.

Women, typically, deal with problems and stresses by talking about how they feel. A woman may easily feel overwhelmed and by talking she will find relief and feel less upset. There is no need necessarily to deal with the practicalities of the problem - they are of secondary significance. What really matters is expressing herself, exploring her emotions and getting the support from a loving relationship in which she feels that she is understood.

Whereas women want to talk and talk about their problems, men withdraw into the caves of their mind to focus on solving the problem. A man's self-esteem is built on a sense of how competent he is, so he feels he must develop the skills to solve his problems on his own. Asking for help or idly expressing how terrible you feel is perceived as an admission of weakness and incompetence. Rather than looking for understanding, men want their partners to admire them for the way they achieve their goals.

The more busy life becomes, the greater this friction will be. As the problems men face seem greater and more intractable, the more they need to escape and the less they are able to patiently sit and lovingly listen to their partner's frustrations. The more demanding a woman's life becomes, the greater her emotional turmoil is and the more she has to express. If her partner is glued to the TV or out skydiving all the time, they will grow further and further apart.

With a little, men and women can understand each other better and learn to respect their differences. He thinks that women can start to respect that men need to withdraw to cope with stress and they can realise that this doesn't mean that they no longer love them. And he is convinced that men can find that listening to their partner talk about her problems could actually help them come out of their caves in the same way as watching TV or skydiving. Apparently, men need to be needed. By learning to listen without giving solutions they can see how much of a positive difference they can make in their partner's life and thus appreciate how important they are. So the key to keeping the flames of love alight would seem to be less telly and more listening.

p/s: frankly speaking, this is true. Most of these theories came from John Gray's book. Read his books, he's good :)

Love, Nurul Hidayah