"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Thursday, February 9, 2012


 Yeah, read the title. It is true. Words can always lie. And never tell you the truth. People keep saying that I am one strong and tough girl through reading my blog, my Facebook status, my tweet. This is all words. And like I say, words can lie. I am not tha strong as people describe I am. I never have the strenght to actually go through all this heart breaks and this hacing a crush on someone that doesnt notice me thingy and wtv it is happening to my life. I always try to be a soldier. Fight everything that might get in my way to happiness. But I just cant. My brain keep saying NO to me, but my heart is dying to change. And keep saying YES, I have to move on. But I read this one quote on Tumblr, "Never give up on something you're dying to have earlier" I've waited for this thing, for my crush almost 2 years, why should I give up? But then, my heart says " He doesnt love you, doesnt even notice you were right there for him, everytime he needs a shoulder. He's in love with other girl. You're not the one he wanted " *sigh* My heart and my mind kept arguing whether I should stay or give up and move on. I dont know. I still cant make my own decision. All I do now is trying to be a strong girl with blogging about I can do this, tweeting about you, update my Facebook status about how Im trying so hard to let you go. But nahh, nothing works. When people read my blogm, they say "You're on tough girl, stay strong" They read it with their eyes, they were just see and knows everything by reading these words Im typing. But if someone read these words with their hearts, they will know how much I torture myself to just forget about you. How Im trying so hard to just leave you to the past and move one with new life. No one ever read this with their hearts. But its ok, I dont blame them. I am not trying to show people how much Im suffering because of love. Im just trying to spill everything that i couldnt say with my mouth. I can only type it and it makes me feel better. I have friends with me. Friends that keep supporting me. And I am so glad to have them in my life. but still, one man can change a woman's life. And you've change mine. I used to be a happy girl and the live of the party. And now, I am the emo one that keep letting tears flow out from my eyes. I try to not cry, but tears keep flowing out. I think it is time, a serious time for me to stop  crying and build my life back. If one day someone could break all this wall around my heart, Im pretty sure, he's going to be the one. And if that person is you, I'll keep on waiting. Allah knows what's better for me. I should start letting you go. Cause if you're meant to me, we will be together someday. Just remember, words can lie, but heart?  They always know the truth.

Love, Nurul Hidayah♥