"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Friday, February 3, 2012



It has been a long time....such a long time that I've lost a part of me. I left it with you and hoping that Im going to be your guardian angel forever. And now, I realise. Forever is such a long time. And the word forever itself, never do really exist for someone like me. Someone who's looking so desperately trying to win a love from a guy that doesnt even notice how beautiful she is, how big her love is. And that is the time that I finally thought wisely. I cant be your guardian angel forever. It is my time now to back off and start living my life. Stop putting hopes on you. Stop updating about you on facebook. Stop making quotes for you on Twitter. And maybe....stop from blogging about you. I really need to stop everything. Everything that I do just to make sure you notice me one day, someday. But still...you're not mine. And never will be. Allah said that. Its okay. Now, it is my time to go away. Far away from you. To build my new life. To find the part of me that has lost because of me, addicted to your love. Because I was so much in love with you. I need that part now. That part to build my new life. To actually be Nurul Hidayah again. Im lost now. I dont even know who am I to everyone. To you. I know, this is the good decision for myself. I've actually made one decision by my own. I just wanted to be happy. And now, I am on my way to happiness. Leaving you here, doesnt mean Im giving up on you. I'll remember even if just as a friend. I know, someday, in other time, you'll miss me. You'll miss my laughter, my childish-ness, my annoying-ness, my words, my advices. Im pretty sure you're going to miss me. Cause you cant do something without me. Im your 'mom'. For simple. But, that is not the point. The reason Im going to be away is because Im trying to find my life back. Not for making you miss me. I may look desperate before, but I am not now. Im a lady now. A strong one. Happiness is there, waiting for me. Living with my dad/maksu is a good idea for me now. At least, Im going to act like Im on vacation. Cause I need that vacation. To bring me back to the path where I used to go along with. Just remember, I will never forget you. Never will. You're the man I love and the man who hurt me. I'll pray for you. Wish me good luck. I'll be alright. Im tough. 

Love, Nurul Hidayah♥