Assalammualaikum♥
Dear readers, my 2012 didnt goes the way I hope it will. This is the page 4 in this 366 pages book and this page is worst. I wish I could just torn it out. I feel bad about myself. im being a totally jerk in a relationship. I dont think Im ready for having a serious relationship with anyone. High expectations can lead me to heart breaks. I dont wanna put too much hopes on some guy whom I dont even know if he's going to be my husband or not. I dont blame love. I dont blame the man Im in love now. i blame myself. I wasnt that good enough for any guy. Im just not ready. Maybe I think too much about this and now, I've finally realise what's happening to me. Im hurting people. I hurt my friends, I hurt my boy, I hurt everyone around me. Im a jerk. Totally a jerk. Im cruel. Yess, I am. Dont be friends with me. Im annoying, dont come near to me. Let me be invisible like I used to before. When no one even know Im exists. Im better off that way. I dont want to be what I am now. Cause all I ever know is hurting people. I hurt my boy alot. I know he's hurting inside. but he's not showing it off to me cause he was scared that I might blaming myself. But I am blaming myself now cause it really is my fault. I dont care about other people. I just care about me. Imma selfish. Can you just shrink me just like 'Honey, I shrunk The Kids' movie. Let me be small girl in a big world. I dont want anyone to see me. Cause Im totally jerk. I can be a freak, or weirdo, but I never thought I could end up being a jerk. I hate myself. I hate me. Now, everyone is hurt just because of me. I shouldnt be exists here. This is not the place where I belong. I belong to a tiny dark place and being left alone. There is where I should be. Dear syg, I am so sorry cause I've hurt you too much. There's too much pain for you to carry. Let me take those pain and just go away. I just want you to be happy. And without me, you will be. I love you. There's no man like you. You treat me nicely and I dont. I guess Im not the one for you. But I am sorry. I need to think this over.
XOXO,
-A Writer To Be-