"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Wednesday, January 18, 2012



Dear Life,
There's a lot of things happen on my life. There's a good moment, and bad moment. Cause everyone has their upside down in life, so do I. My life moves just like a crazy roller coaster moving. It seriously does. And there's this one thing that you should know about me. Sometimes, I imagine my life just like in a movie. And when I watch 'some particular' movie, sometimes, I felt like I am in the movie. Cause my life was soo much just like the story. And earlier, at 9PM, I turn on to Astro Ria. And there's this one movie playing. The title is "Love, Nora" The actor/actress are Will Quah, Yasmin Hani and Yana Samsuddin. At first, i thought that the story is going to be boring. But since, the scene of the movie is in Italy, I force myself to watch. yeahh :)

As I watch the movie, it does reminds me a lot of things that I experience with my best friend, Nur Zahirah/Lilo Nicola. Yes, She's the only best friend I've ever had in my life. It has been for almost a month and a half since she's in that condition. *cant talk, cant walk and barely knowing people* The friendship between Nora and Shila in the movie, really touches me, cause I remember the time when Lilo is always there for me. Never failed to make me laugh and never let me down. She always lifted me up when I am at my lowest. She does. I really miss her. I remember that day, when we sat alone, both of us, just the two of us, in the class. She said something that touches me. 

"Dido, aku tahu, since aku dgn Mieza, aku byk abaikan kau. Aku dh tk rapat sgt dgn kau, aku dah tak selalu ada dgn kau mcm aku sepatutnye buat. Aku mintak maaf. Bukan aku sengaja. Kdg2, aku leka sgt. Sampai aku abaikan kau and lebihkn cinta aku. Sorry kalau aku ckp skema sikit hari ni. Tp ini utk kebaikan kita. Aku sayang sgt dkt Mieza, syg sgtsgt. Tak pernah aku syg lelaki, sleain dr ayah and abg2 aku, mcm mne aku syg dia. Even Syawal dulu pun, aku tak syg mcm ni. Mieza, hm, dia mungkin lelaki terakhir utk aku. Mungkin juga jodoh aku. Spe tahu kan? mcm mcm benda boleh jd dkt hidup ni. Tp satu je aku nak mintak dekat kau, sebagai adk aku, restu hbgn aku dgn Mieza. Jgn pernah rasa tersisih bila aku selalu habiskn masa dgn Mieza. Aku tk pernah lupakn kau. Aku tahu, Mieza pun syg kau mcm adk dia. mcm mne aku syg kau mcm adk aku. Aku tk pernah jumpa lelaki mcm Mieza. Even dia selalu buli aku, kacau aku, bergurau dgn aku pasal nana, aku tahu, dia buat semua tu sbb dia syg aku. Dia taknak aku rasa bosan dgn dia. Aku tk tahu lh knp, tp aku rasa mcm jodoh aku dgn Mieza tk lama. Tp aku nk kau tlg aku. Tolong jaga Mieza kalau satu hari nnt, ada pape jd dkt aku. Mieza lh hidup aku. Sebyk mne aku syg kau, byk tu lh aku syg Mieza. Aku tk thu nk terangkn mcm mne dkt kau. Tp ini amanah aku. Kalau lh ditakdirkn Mieza dgn perempuan lain, aku mungkin takan dkt dgn dia dah. Tp kau tk boleh jauhkn diri dr dia. Kau kena selalu ada dgn dia. Mieza tu, suka memendam. Dia syg, tp tknk ckp. Jual mahal lah katakn. Tp jgn pernah kau biar dia sorg2. Aku tahu, kau boleh jd kwn and adk yg baik utk dia. Dia tu kalau dgn prmpuan, malu sikit. Dgn kau je, dia tk tahu malu. Ok, aku sendiri pun tk tahu knp aku ckp mcm ni. Tp ntahla, ada feeling dlm perasaan i yg buat aku rasa aku patut terangkn semua ni dekat kau. Kau tetap akan jd adk aku sampai bila bila cause you're my best friend forever and aku syg kau" 

Yeah, she said this to me. And I remember every each of the words she told me. I never told this to anyone, even to Nazmi. Cause I know, this was suppose to be the conversation being me and Lilo. But I can never kept it a lone anymore. I miss her soo much. I really miss her. I never thought that 'the horrible accident' will happen to her. She always there to protect me. but I am not there, at that time to protect her. Never expected that you'll get involve with the accident after you told me that thing. I knew, we had a little fight just a couple days before the accident. And I am sorry for that. I was too jealous looking at you, spending your precious time with Mieza. And sometimes, you even forget me once you're with Ridzuan and Husna. It was suppose to be me, you're suppose to be spending your precious time with me. But I think, I was to emotional about that. I am sorry cause I've ignored you before. And I am sorry for hurting you before. You're the only person that I am really in need now. Usually, I tell everything to you. My problem, the good news, about my crush, everything. But now, you're just not there to listen anymore. You're not in the good condition to even give me a hug or kiss to make me feel okay. Now, all i can do is talk to your photo, and sometimes write about it on my diary. Yes, I bought a new diary you know :') Lilo, dont you ever worried about Mieza. I'll take a good care of him. He's like a brother to me. And I love him as much as I love you sister. I'll always keep him happy just like Shila did to Raoul when Nora ask her in Love, Nora movie. I miss you soo much. Come back sister, come back. Your name will always be in my prayers. Cause I know you're one strong girl. Fight back. Fight everything back. Im with you, Mieza with you, Your family is with you. And what important the most is, Allah is there for you. I'll always pray that you'll get to be normal again so we can go on a road trip like we've plan before. Even if you're not, I'll take a good care of you. I promise. Best friend will never leave their best friend behind. And even if people ask me about my best friend, Your name will be said. Yess, just your name. Kakak, I miss your jokes, I miss your laugh, I miss you annoying attitude and your nag. Just be strong, keep fighting cause I know you're a fighter. I love you, kakak :') I always do. And if one day, you'll get the chance to read this, just remember, I might be writing in tears, but all I ever wanted is for you to come back. Always be loving you.

Love, Nora really means a lot to me. And if you guys still dont get the chance to watch it. Try to download it. You should watch. Its a meaningful story for me. Thanks.

 Love, Dido