"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Saturday, December 10, 2011


Dear Readers

This actually happens to me and my Grandpa. Yknow who my Grandpa is. He's the best Grandpa in the world. He's my man! Haha, keep searching who my 'Grandpa' is :)  What do you gonna feel when someone you love, no matter if he/she is your lover or even a friend starts to forget you and ignores you completely? It going to be hurt didnt ya? Like me and Grandpa felt. But when we start to being honest to them that we felt left out, all the reactions and the blame will came back to us. This sentence will came out "You're the one who keeps ignoring me. So I walk away" "You didnt know how Im being so left out like you make me feel" "Why are you keep putting the blame on me, like you never do anything wrong" I've been through it. And I'll know each sentence that will came out from that one person mouth. So, the best thing to do now is keep the silence with you. Like Grandpa always said to me "Sometimes, silence is necessary to us." But, keeping the silence with you doesnt mean you're heartless or you dont even feel a thing. It means you're trying to take care of everyone heart. Grandpa told me alot about being silence and that is why Im keeping the silence with me and only express it through my blog. Cause here is the only place I have the right to speak out loud. Speak wtv going through in my mind and pain in my heart. To be left out by someone we loved is hard. I felt it. Just like the situation that happens now to Grandpa. I understand it. Cause Im in his shoes too. Im in the same situation just like him. We were just trying to stick on each other with the people we really hope on and they was like ignoring us. And then, this feeling of like "Im just a trouble but nothing to them" appears. I feel like Im just a burden to them and Im not helping at all. And its ok. Cause now, Im going to walk away in the silence. I should do what Grandpa does. Just hoping on my parents to do everything. Sometimes I do feel like having this conversation with that someone, but Im just too scared that I might lose that someone just because of this matter. So, I keep it on my own. Never tells it to anyone even Grandpa. I dont wanna burden Grandpa cause he has his own problem. There's a thing that I cant really tell in words but show it by attitude. Im hoping that if I walk away, that someone will try to fix everything. But nahh, I never believe the word 'fix' cause it happens before when I asked  my ex to 'fix' our relationship, he didnt actually 'fix' it but only make it worse. So, there's no 'fix' in my dictionary of life. Its hard to be someone that really important to other person life. But Im glad to have Nazmi with me. He changed me. He teaches me the real meaning of silence. And Grandpa if you read this, you should know that you have me and Nazmi with you. We got your back. It aint easy to accept that people start to forget us, but its easy to accept the people who cares for you. Just appreciate people around you, dont do anything that you know is going to hurt them. I learn from experience and I talk from it. Sorry if my words is being too harsh for you. Just sometimes I need to express it by writes, not talks. So, learn from experience guys. Dont repeat the same mistakes again. Thanks.