"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Thursday, December 8, 2011


Dear You

I am really sorry for having this kind of argument with you. I tried to shut my mouth, I tried to keep it in my heart as long as I can. I tried everything I could from letting you know that I already knew about you and her. But still, you knew it. And I could guess that you knew by reading my conversation with Alyn. I do believe in you, I really do cause I know you're the sincerest guy I've ever met in my life. And thats why I falls for you. But you have to know, Im easily get jealous when there's always an issue about you and her. She's like the sensitive things that I dont wanna hear in our relationship. Its not that I hate her, its just that Im mad. You and her should respect our relationship. The issues about you and her calling 'Kanda Dinda' is really a big issue for me even people said that it is not. There's a differences between 'KANDA' 'KEKANDA' and 'KAKANDA' . You should probably know that. We learned it in school. So, you cant just hurt me by using that word with her. Even 'DINDA'and 'ADINDA' have a different meanings. I should never be stalking you and her. Cause it just hurt me. Im trying to act like everything is okay with her. I tried to apologise to her even I dont even know what I did wrong to her. I try to make friend with her cause I know she's a friend of yours too. But still, I cant. Cause knowing that im going to have this kind of issue with her wont make everything okay. Im not an actress so I can simply fake a smile to her and acts normally. Trust me I tried. I just love you too much and I know you knew that. But still, do you really have to use those words with her? You can just called her by names, sissy, or wtv more. But not that kind of words. I always tried to take a good care of your heart cause I dont it to breaks. Cause you have a special heart that no man has it. I really hate to have the same argument with you. Cause every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every years we spent out together always full of laughter. And this argument will take everything away. I hope you understand this. I never wanted to end this relationship. But she acts like she's really meant for you and that's what hurt me the most. Im not letting you go this time, but all I ever hope is you to think about this and try to understand this situation. Im not blaming you but im trying to teach you. Keep that in mind. Im not trying to say that im perfect for you, but I always try no matter what.