"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dear Readers 

There is alot of things happen to me lately. Problems,  happiness, sadness, madness and that '-ness' feelings i felt. Hm, but every things that happens, every things that comes to keep me down or keep me feeling like major break down, i just know that Allah is testing me cause He loves me. He wants me to grow stronger than I am now. Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah, thanks for that and thanks for all the test. 

Whenever I sat alone, i kept thinking. "What is my future looks like?" "Will I get a good job?" "Will I get married with the man I love?" "Will I have a great kids like my mom did?" or "Will I die in Iman?" This questions kept came along with me everytime I was alone. These questions have been my bestfriend since my parents got divorced. *the truth* No kidding. Sometimes I do think, will Iman be the man that always be right next to me when I wake up? Will he be the father to my kids. Cause that is what I ever hope since the day I'd fell in love with him. He's one responsible man. Im sure he will be a great and god father to my babies in the future. But still, I cant be to sure about that. Look up in the sky, there's someone is more powerful than I am. He is the one who will determine which man will be the man for me to spend the rest of my life with. But everyday I'll pray, pray and hope that this man Im in love with now is going to be THAT MAN. Aminnn...

As yknow, I am taking SPM this year and its just around the corner. I really felt scared about that. Cause I dont think I am ready for the SPM war and I am not well prepared. If someone goes to war and is not well prepared and he forgot to bring his sword, surely he will FAILED right? I dont wanna be that man. I wanna be well prepared so I can win the war and make my parents be proud of me. Dear SPM, please be nice to me. If you do that, Im going to be nice to you too. Lol, Im writing craps now. haha. 

The question of life that I am having in my mind now always be there until I grew up and find the answers all by myself. Cause its my life. Nobody can knows the answer except me and Allah. All I ever hope is the life will be noce to me so I can get trough it easily without any hurtful things as the obstacles. Im just a girl that full with surprises. If you think you know me, dont be too sure cause no one ever saw the real side of me. And that side of me only appears when the time comes. And the love here inside my heart always stays for Iman, the man I love since April until now. Things not going to change the love i felt for him. Thanks.

P/S : I dont even know why am i writing this crap things but I felt like writing it on my blog so I wrote this No motive :P