"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Monday, October 29, 2012


*wipe away all the dust and spider's web from my blog*

Oh yeah, hi. I'm back. Back to start typing again. Typing about my life.

Have you ever feel that your life is changing? When you grew older, everything changes follow with the time. I do. Things have change. So do I. I still remember back then, when I was just a kid. Celebrating my birthday every year together with my dad. Play with Barbie dolls when I'm bored. Watch The Jungle Book movie every weekend night with my parents. Go on a holiday with family. 
And I still remember the time when I grew a little older and got into the primary school. Everything was so perfect. I'm the best student in that school. Never failed to get first place in any exams. The brightest student my teachers ever had. I have best friends. Still remember their name. Pika and Dayana. Damia, Syasya, Baizatul, Arshad, Sara D, Sara A, Muiz, Firdaus, Zainul. We can be so crazy at one time and spent the whole day together at the school. 
And I grew older. I got into the secondary school. When things became more complicated. I started to know what love is. I started to date. I don't even think I wanna talk about the first guy I date here, cause it's not something that I should remember about. None of my love story had an happy ending. None. I always got dumped. Maybe I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I got all the exams to focus on. PMR, SPM and all that. I wasn't the brightest student in school anymore. I'm just some girls who only think that she can spent all of her day at school, enjoying. My results weren't that good as I did in my primaries. Well, at least I'm still a brilliant student in English subject. I hate my secondaries. 
Time passed. And now, here I am. Leaving the school life. And start a new life in University. I thought everything could be so much better. But nothing is. Life get harder. Harder than I ever thought. I need to give my full commitment in my study, my family, my life, my relationship with Allah and my relationship with my guy. This time, there's no more puppy love. I'm 18, and my guy wishes that we can hv this one serious relationship. And I respect that. When I grow older, I started to realize that everything I do, every decision that I made, I need to face the consequences by myself. There's no more mom, no more dad to help me. I'm a grown up person now. I need to think for myself. And it's hard. I always made the wrong decision and end up crying like a little girl on the bed and started to lock myself up in the room for days. 
I guess now, all I got to do is move on. I need to face all these. Let time heals my pain and my previous stories teach me about life. I can't die no matter how much I want to. It is not my time yet. Things will change no matter how much you don't want them to. 

Nurul Hidayah.