"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Monday, October 3, 2011

Dear Bloggy

I know each day and each time the tests were given to me, i'll grow stronger and even strong enough to face anything. It may be hurt to feel the pain now, but im pretty sure i'll be happy in the end of it. I know it. I listen to songs just for making me feel better or even more upset. But it doesnt matter cause i express my feelings by a song. People may not feel what i feel. But this heart knows how hurt it is. And me and my heart can face it even until my heart stops beating. Thats the day when i stop grew stronger. Im just a girl having this hard time of life and thanks to all the people that helped me to get trough with it. I really appreciate it guys. I know you guys will always be with me no matter what. But im sorry. This time, its about my life and i need to solve it just by myself and Iman's. I just wanted to know that if he still loves me or not. I ask him just now "Syg bie dkt bby dah makin kurang kan?" And he answered "Bie tk boleh nak jwb. Tk tahu laa" . Its just a tiny simple question i asked. And he cant answered it. I guess he must be hating me now. Hate for what i did. No more love left for me It hurts when he answered just like that, but i have to be strong. Have to keep myself alive cause i still have my family to take care. I just wish he knew what i really feel right now. Maybe he wont understands it cause he's a man. And that is what a man does. NEVER TRY TO UNDERSTAND US, WOMEN. Im sorry if i hurt your feeling Iman with this words, but i love you. I just cant get away from you and i wont walk away from you for no reasons. I'll pray for our happiness. Like i say, one day, you'll miss me for this. You may not know why the reason you gonna miss me, but one day you'll know. By that time, i wont be there for you. I just want us to appreciate the time we have now. Cause this is all the time that we have and dont waste it.

The song on my blog, do express how i feel. Its not that im leaving him, its just that i wish everything was normal. I fall for him cause once, he cares about me. If i could turn back the time, i will. But im not Allah, im just a girl with a broken heart by hoping everything would be better one day.