"I typed my life because I don't want to forget each moment. I'm Nurul Hidayah, 20. Muslimah. Malaysian
They don't even know that somehow words can be more hurt than bullets."

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


Dear Readers

Have you ever wonder how does it feels like to be cared by someone?
Have you ever wonder how does it feels like to be someone's other half?
Have you ever wonder how does it feels like to be important to someone?
Mostly...have you ever wonder how does it feels like to actually be happy?

Well, I do. Sometimes I wonder, late at night, is there someone out there that actually think of me before going to sleep? Did he miss me? Did he dreams about me? Did he actually have a fantasy family with me? *well, I do think a lot* Just close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Think about some one you love. Did he/she loves you for you? Got what I mean aite? And I was so glad, really am glad to know that someone actually think of me. At first, I was wondering why. Why do he have to care about me, love me and etc. When I ask him, I'll never get the exact answers. All that he say is just "Its because I love you". I have lived for almost 18 years, no guys ever make me feel like this. Make me feel like crying by just hearing he say "I love you". Well, the word 'I love you' is never really a magic words anymore now. People kept saying it everyday to some random person they want to. They never knew what really the magic words means. But he knew. Lots of thing happen to us these days. Yet, he never gives up upon me. But I did the opposite thing. Faith? Trust? He gave me both. But do I gave him that? No, all I did is just letting the insecurities take over me. And in the end, an argument occurs between us. And it all happens with only this one word 'insecure'. 

Time past. Till one day, I talk to myself. Why do I have to be such a mean girl in this relationship? Why do I have to let the tears falls down from his eyes? Why do I have to hurt him? And I feel guilty about it. And now I know, I've make a mistakes. He take a big risk by giving the whole trust on me, having faith on me. But I never take the risk to give that to him. I accused him on something that he dont even actually did. And I am so sorry for that. Once, Luqman said to me "Trust is like an eraser. Each time when we make a mistakes, we have to erase it. And until one time, the eraser will getting smaller and smaller. Just like the trust" And yes, he is true. So, starting from now on, I have to be more matured in this thing. I wear a new me now and starting a new day with a new us. And thank you to him for still accepting me for who I am and loving me. The thing is now, learn from your mistakes. Dont repeat it. But let the mistakes be the guide for you to build a new life. Happiness is always there for you.

p/s : sorry for the long post. Cant express it anywhere but here. hewhew :3

Love, Nurul Hidayah